The Next Step


As any of you who have read my blog are aware, I’m a firm proponent of self-improvement. Giving yourself concrete reasons to feel good about yourself, develop a sense of self-worth, become a genuinely high-value confident man.

The reason I began this journey, as I’m sure is the case for many others, was to be able to attain a higher quality of woman, and perhaps in more simple terms, to just feel good about myself, to actually like myself.

Self-improvement is a holistic process, being composed of multiple disciplines. Lifting weights, controlling your diet, improving your style and overall aesthetic, mastering control of your mind and emotions, becoming more socially aware and charismatic, learning about human psychology, and the pursuit of financial independence. Certainly, there are a lot of areas to focus on, more than enough to keep you occupied for several years until you begin to approach a high level in most of them.

As with anything though, there will be an initial period of rapid gains, and then as you get closer to mastery, improvements start to fall under the law of diminishing returns – twice as much effort for only half as much progress.

The initial surges of confidence and elation as you pass each significant milestone in multiple areas, gradually reduce over time, until you have internalised your new position at all levels of your being, and what was once cause for glowing pride, just becomes the new normal.

Whilst we may never consider ourselves the finished article, and new domains always exist to conquer, at least in those areas which have the most immediate impact on our lives, a certain plateau is reached.

Although you still feel good, it’s now your new baseline, and the sensation of breaking new higher highs on a regular basis doesn’t come about very often. Eventually you arrive at a position of – what now? Where do I go from here?

Something which has only really become apparent to me since largely putting my own demons to rest, is what is truly important in life – namely friends, family and relationships. After all, what is all this relentless drive for self-improvement for in the long run, if it means a solitary existence, devoid of any real emotional connection with your fellow human beings?

For me now, the answer to the question of “what next?” is simple – settle down, find a wife, have a family of my own, invest in my existing friendships and relationships with my family members that perhaps have been neglected. Show the people in your life who matter that they really do matter to you. Don’t take them for granted.

The allure of chasing new women has long since passed. I value an emotional connection far more now than the fleeting ego-gratification I would receive from securing a new “notch”.

The process which led to this point however, was entirely necessary. I would never have come to these realisations, and been ready and able to move on with my life as a healthy, well-adjusted adult, had I not put in such hard work into improving myself, creating a feeling of genuine self-worth within myself and finally freeing my focus to be able to move on to other matters.

There aren’t many of us these days who aren’t carrying some sort of emotional baggage from our childhood. Even in more general terms, modern society denies men a traditional masculine role. For me, my father walking out on our family in my early teenage years and then never wanting anything to do with me again, denied me a sense of self-worth, which I have been chasing ever since

Trading put the final pieces of the puzzle together. It was the hardest thing I ever attempted, and it broke me down in ways I was not prepared for. I’ve never been so thoroughly humbled by anything before. I have now however got on top of the whole process, am accumulating money daily, and know it’s just a matter of a little patience before I am extremely wealthy. I thought I would want to go on a celebratory rampage around the world, but this idea holds no appeal.

Succeeding at the hardest thing I ever put myself to finally gave me the last piece of self-worth I needed to move on with my life, whilst at the same time knocking a lot of the extraneous arrogance out of me that I had been using as a defence mechanism to hide my insecurities. I’m still shockingly arrogant by most people’s standards of course, and always will be, but it’s now at about 100%, instead of 150%.

Having at last attained the self-worth I wanted, it is almost as if the world has suddenly come into focus, and my priorities have shifted. What really matters in life is suddenly standing out in sharp relief, and I see that previously what had consumed me was merely superficial pursuits in search of my own worth. Necessary at the time, but not something to be held on to.

Remember, this whole process is a journey, and journeys have an end. When we complete one, we must begin another. Too many see this journey of pursuing women and ultimately self-worth as a destination in and of itself, and then wonder years down the line when they think they’ve achieved everything they wanted, why they still feel empty inside.

Go forth, fix yourself, become the man you were meant to be, find a good woman, have a family, and make and invest in strong, fulfilling relationships with your friends and family. Therein will you find lasting peace and happiness.


5 thoughts on “The Next Step

  1. Pingback: The Next Step –

  2. Hey! Glad to hear everything’s working out well for you!

    Regarding the allure of chasing new women, I’ve had a similar experience. After several years of doing daygame, I don’t even feel like I want to do it anymore. My pua friends call me out on it though, saying that this is just my meta weasel at work.

    I’m not sure if they’re right or wrong, but my general impression is that I wend the pua / self-improvement path because I felt I just sucked at life in general, and now several years down the road that feeling is gone, yet I’m still clinging to the same methods that worked for me back then.

    Most manosphere writers would pass this off as BS and meta-weaselling, so it’s refreshing to see that there are in fact other perspectives.

    • My instinct would be – your PUA friends have not yet arrived at the same place of self-worth as you have, and so are merely projecting their worldview on to you.

      If they are not totally holistically engaged with self-improvement, and are just focusing nearly all their efforts on getting women, they won’t get there either.

      They simply won’t be able to appreciate your perspective from where they are at this moment in time.

      Good for you though. It’s a good place to be.

  3. Hello Simon,
    I’m 178cm ( 5’10), 80 kg (176lb), mass quesstimated at 137lb by impedance. I’ve been training for years – althugh HIT style – look a little smooth, with a little belly, but some muscle is visible underneath, the frame got better. Would you say it’s time to keep the mass and cut to around 72 kg (159lbs)? I read about Al Kavadlo and he said he is 179cm/72 kg and looks great, used to be 86kg. So I assume maybe I have enough mass to look good lean? I use YAZIO calorie counter on my phone and to lose 0.5 kg weekly it says I need to eat 1742 kcal daily. Sounds about right? What are your measurements, height, weight, mass? I also decided to go 40:30:30 on carbs, protein, fat, which means about 128g protein. Thanks!

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