The 1 year anniversary of this blog recently came and went in unspectacular fashion. As I read back over my first few posts, I realise how far I have come in such a short time.
Back then, the sole focus was women, how I could get with more of them, more quickly, and of better quality. I was in the midst of a slew of online dates, “putting in my time in the trenches” as I like to call it. I wasn’t deriving any great pleasure from it, the girls only being of slightly above average quality, but I knew it was necessary in order to gain the experience and the confidence I required to take me to the next level, and ultimately towards feeling good about myself.
As I write this post, it occurs to me that every idea, concept and notion that I read about – behave like this, say this, don’t say this, eye contact like this, etc – has just been completely internalised. I do all of these things as naturally as breathing, and although at some level of my brain the thought process of “don’t do that, do this instead” is still going on, it never surfaces into the conscious level of my awareness.
I’d come 90% of the way towards where I wanted to be a few months ago. Religious adherence to principles of self-improvement, whilst gaining more experience with women, combined with a methodical approach to optimising my health – resulting on embarking on self-administered Testosterone Replacement Therapy – got me most of the way there. And making the decision to commit to a top notch girl took me the last 10% of the way towards mental peace and contentment.
I am not sad to be waving goodbye to the part of my life that compelled me to approach and romantically pursue scores of women, whom ultimately I really wasn’t that bothered about, just because I knew that if I followed my usual lazy tendencies, I’d never become the man that I want to be. I am far happier when I am committed to a single person, the emotional closeness and sharing of experiences that come with it. The liberation of the requirement to chase tail around the streets in a distinctly less-than-alpha fashion is an added bonus.
It could never have just been any girl either. The fact that I was trying to keep her at arm’s length, and yet I still ended up going out with her shows that it happened for the most healthy of reasons. That she read my entire blog, including some slightly, er, colourful posts regarding her personally, and was ok with it all says a lot. She fulfils every requirement of a high value girl – as so recently articulated by LaidNYC with his Golden Seed (not that it matters what anyone other than me thinks anyway, but it’s a useful yardstick) – and understands me and accepts me for who I am.
Does this mean I have given up on everything I know, and am going to “beta down”? Far from it. The lessons I have learned over the last year stand me in the best possible stead for preserving a strong, healthy relationship. The extremely high standards I have for myself and the habits I have adopted ensure I will never let myself go, and indeed, they encourage my girlfriend to match them. And I fully intend to keep reading the select few manosphere blogs who I still feel offer genuine value, and a positive healthy outlook on life. Roosh and Krauser need not apply.
So is this the end of life’s journey? Do I consider myself a complete person? No, of course not. This is merely the end of this chapter, the part where I devoted all my time and energies into reaching the objective of self-fulfillment and actualisation. There are many more journeys ahead, but finally freed of the shackled of angst and self-doubt, I’ll be free to pursue them without any distractions, bring the full force of my mind to bear on them uninhibited. It’s nice to finally feel like I’ve become the person I was always meant to be.
In terms of my blog, I’m struggling to find much motivation to write about things at the moment. I’m too busy devoting my mental energies to learning the stock market to make my plan of retirement a reality, and simply enjoying my life.
Good luck to all those of you still firmly on this part of your journey, striving to find inner peace, happiness, and acceptance of who you are at a deep level. Honestly, it’s well worth it when you get there.