The recent “Mark Minter getting married” saga (about which I could not give less of a shit even if you paid me, but unfortunately has been rammed down my throat on pretty much every blog I read), has led me to some speculation on the nature of the role models and idols which impressionable men in this part of the internet look up to.
Many are disappointed in Mark Minter, for abandoning his principles of bitter misogyny, and deciding to get hitched to a woman some 20+ years his junior. And not just any woman – a *gasp* single mum, worst of all. Heresy! Traitor! How could this faceless man who spit such acerbic bile in so many comment threads abandon us in such a way… Yeah, right.
It seems to me a lot of this wailing and gnashing of teeth stems from the fact that bitterness, in much the same way as misery, enjoys company. A lot of men, themselves perhaps deeply emotionally hurt by women in the past, have lost their spiteful cheerleader. Able for some time now to gather round the virtual campfire, and console one another with tales of the evils of women and marriage, to share in their mutual ire, they have now been robbed of one of the pillars of their community.
You see it is easy to be bitter and angry, to hold on to it like a familiar, comfortable blanket. Being bitter and angry means never actually having to face up to the emotional hurt that’s burning away inside you, to come to terms with it, and to risk eventually coming to the realisation that the problem lied with you the whole time, and not with the entire female species. The fact that one who was so vehement in his stance can change his ways fills these men with fear – fear that they too may have to abandon their armour of anger, and confront the personal demons which they have been running away from for so long.
In one reaction to this, we have a highly prominent member of the PUA community suggesting that we set him up as an idol instead. He has oh-so-graciously offered to give guys his “seal of approval” to men wishing to be taking seriously as people to be looked up to, if they but prove their prowess with women to him. Idolising any one man is always foolish, and in this case particularly so – substituting one completely unsuitable idol for another.
For men to hold another man up, such as he, as something to be aspired to is something I find deeply regretful. To idolise someone like that is to idolise a lifestyle of spending most of your spare time trawling up and down the streets, having the same empty conversations with woman after woman until you find one who likes you enough to be willing to sleep with you. And to then pursue an endless series hollow sexual encounters with a chain of faceless women, making no kind of emotional connection with any one of them.
There are a few men who are cut out for such a life, who are cold-hearted enough to remain unaffected by their choice. And to those men, I wish all the best, and respect their abilities to bed such a large number of women from a purely technical point of view. I will wager however for 99% of the men who found themselves in this part of the internet, they came here through wishing to come to terms with some form of unhappiness in their lives – unhappiness with themselves – and to those, I can promise that idolising and aspiring to the lifestyle of those men who have foregone the basic, essential human necessity of emotionally bonding with members of the opposite sex, will lead them only to further unhappiness down the line.
And ultimately what is it all for? Who cares how many women you have slept with, or can sleep with, other than a bunch of lonely, socially maladjusted men? Learning acceptance of who you are, and to truly love yourself will give you far greater happiness in life than some magic “n” count. And I also wager you will find when you truly come to terms with the person you are, and genuinely like yourself, you’ll not only no longer feel the need to throw an endless series of women at the hole in your self-esteem, you’ll also find yourself surrounded by the wealth of options with women to which you always aspired.
Who instead then should you idolise? No-one. My line of thinking runs as follows: No one man is better than I. There are people who have skills that I may wish to acquire, but they are no different of better than I. If they can do something, I can do it.
If you must idolise something, then idolise the process of perpetual self-improvement and adherence to your own values and principles instead, and therein find a much more healthy mode of existence.