As much as I sometimes like to write game related posts on here, and indeed they usually prove to be the most popular, I originally started this blog as a place to cathartically chart my progress through life’s trials and tribulations, and see no reason to stop now.
So after finally getting myself back on track, through judicious use of self-administered TRT (see here and here), I’ve found myself with a higher sex drive than I’ve ever known in my life. Every single flicker of skirt, glimpse of a curve of breast, has my head whipping round so fast my vision blurs. Some days, the testosterone courses through me so strongly, I literally clench my fists and tense every muscle with the sheer power of it. It’s truly an awesome sensation for someone who spent much of his life with the libido of an anaemic slug.
So, you would think consequently I’ve been out shagging anything that moves? I certainly thought I would have been. The reality of the situation is however that just because I’m suddenly interested in fucking again, it doesn’t spontaneously make 1000s of top quality women appear. I have a high standard for what I find physically attractive in women, and a low threshold for being annoyed by shallow and conceited people – put those two together, add in the fact I live in the UK, and I’m sure the picture becomes clear.
Also, as it happens, the sequence of events I set in place when I lined up the first date after I applied the first sachet of testosterone gel a couple of months ago, and I felt the masculinity course through my system. seems to be about to manifest into my first LTR for over 2 years – and the first once I’ve had since my “red pill awakening”. Knowing that I’d planned to go and travel the world after retiring at the end of the year, to see the sights, sounds, and fuck the women, I’ve been trying my best to keep her at arm’s length, but to no avail – I simply enjoy spending time with her so much that I keep inviting her over, and we’ve naturally just grown closer and closer together. I can tell that I actually genuinely like her, because I’ve stopped wanting to chase after other women. Quite so much 😉
Honestly, I can’t fault the girl. She is feminine, affectionate, sweet, caring, intelligent, classy, elegant, pretty, olive-skinned, very low n-count, lithe and toned. She stands out a country mile from the almost all of the rest of the girls in this god-forsaken city – and of course is not English. She’s also very socially switched on – she’d even figured out the whole SMV peak vs age disparity of men vs women all by herself (and had been trying futilely to make her female friends, pissing away their youth, understand its significance).
Great, you might think – and indeed it is. Every day I see her, the person I have become as a result of all the knowledge of social skills, masculinity and female psychology that I’ve picked up over the last year or two, and all the self-improvement I’ve undertaken, makes me irresistibly attractive to her. Additionally, I am keeping a very firm hand on myself as well so as to not get carried away, the words “remember your training” going round and round in my head.
I’ve told her of my plans to emigrate at the end of the year, and she is cool with seeing me in the meantime with a view to just “see what happens”, but I can’t help but think already – what is the point of going haring off to the other side of the world, to chase an imagined ideal of pussy paradise, when I’ve already met a girl who measures up to everything I’ve been looking for? In a sense, I think visiting countries in places such as Latin America would be like opening Pandora’s box for me. On the one hand, I can stay here, continue to see this girl, and probably be very happy. On the other, I can stick to my original plans (which were admittedly largely based around chasing women) and go fly to the other side of the world, and risk having my head turned a million times by the allure of these exotic women – none of whom ultimately may end up being compatible with me due to cultural differences, and my extreme pickiness. Have I picked this girl because she stands out against a crowd of mediocrity in this country? Would I still have been drawn to her as much in a different place, at a difference time? And really – does it even matter?
I’m of course not going to make any decisions yet – it’s way too soon. And ultimately this kind of thing has a habit of resolving itself. When the day rolls around to buy my plane ticket for Brazil, I’ll know what it is I really want to do.
The last thing I ever want is to end up as a “master PUA pussy hound” – swimming in riches of available women, yet a pauper in being able to emotionally commit to a meaningful relationship to any one of them. Doomed forever to throw endless streams of women at the hole in our psyches, that we just can’t seem to quite fill no matter how hard we try.
It’s easy sometimes to lose sight of the reasons we get into this in the first place – for most of us I bet it is to gain the ability to acquire a top quality girlfriend. Along the journey, we suddenly realise we can shag a lot of different women all of a sudden, and giddy with power, we go on a spree of meaty destruction, until one day we look ourselves in the eye in the mirror, and aren’t quite sure who is looking back any more, and whether or not we’re truly happy with where we are at in our lives.
Sometimes, it is merely the hope of the imagined perfect future that compels us to keep moving on, never putting down roots, never opening ourselves up to any one woman, instead of appreciating what we have right now in the present. Let’s not forget, life really does gain a lot more meaning when you have someone significant to share it with.