I’ve previously expressed my desire to avoid deliberately doing the girls I am involved with any emotional harm. To me, this means always being frank, honest, and up front about my intentions from day one. Namely, that I’m not looking to get into a serious, monogamous relationship, but that I am happy to keep seeing them as long as they are cool with the arrangement.
However, I’m not so naive as to not realise that even though a girl may agree to this even though she may want more, she is probably agreeing just because she really likes me and will take any opportunity to spend time with me, not because she’s actually happy with those terms. Ultimately, she’s going to end up falling for me, and it will end badly for her. The more sweet and feminine the girl, the harder she will fall.
I don’t want to hurt these girls, but I’m attracted to them, and want to spend time with them. The main difference between how they feel and how I feel though is that I am always prepared to walk away at a moment’s notice. A girl forms only a part of my life, in amongst my goals, ambitions, self-improvement, studying and discipline. I will never make any one girl the main focus.
I can pretend to myself that because they appear to be going along with my terms, then they’re cool with it. But I’d be lying to myself. At the same time, I’m not going to moralise myself out of some sweet ass and some enjoyable female company.
And so I find myself trying to perform a delicate balancing act of keeping them at arm’s length. Seeing them often enough to keep them interested, but not often enough to start creating a boyfriend/girlfriend vibe.
Part of the problem is that I’m a naturally very affectionate person when I’m with a girl I like. Arm round her, always sleep with her lying on my chest, spontaneous gestures of physical affection etc. It just comes naturally to me, and always makes the girl adore me.
These things have a natural lifespan. Eventually, the girl will realise she’s not going to get what she wants from me in terms of commitment, and that it’s time to move on, even if she doesn’t want to.
I’ve learned to live with the fact that I’m going to end up hurting the girls in some way, I just do everything I can to minimise the damage, and not darken her heart.