Do No Harm

I’m a firm believer in the axiom of “leave a girl better than you found her”, or at least no worse, when applied to how to conduct yourself during dating and getting/keeping a girl in rotation. I’ve got no time for guys who deliberately and maliciously manipulate girls into bed solely for their own pleasure, leaving them a wreck afterwards. It’s the worst kind of selfishness.

That said, my game has recently being challenged to its limit by a French girl, one of the ones who got in touch with me during my week of lazy man game. She’s probably a low to mid 8, very slim, dresses well, feminine. She’s never been single for longer than a week in her life, and has had 4 boyfriends, so that means her n is very low, another plus. She’s currently in the death throes of her most recent one, and sees me as a logical upgrade (obviously!).

She came over last night with her friend, the three of us and my housemate went out together, she was all over me, but every time I tried to kiss her, she would refuse and turn her head away. I knew I could get her back to mine with little effort, so I wasn’t that bothered – until later, when I’d been in bed with her for nigh on three hours, hands all over her, hers on me, her grinding on my cock through my pants, and she still refused to kiss me. I tried every trick in the book – agree and carry on regardless, build slow tension, get her as horny as possible, periodic freezeouts – every time my hand got to within an inch of her pussy, or my lips within an inch of hers (the mouth lips this time ;-)), she would pull away. I’ll hand it to her – the girl had an iron will.

At the time, she cited that it was because she was still involved with her boyfriend. I recall thinking clearly “Well, I’m sure he’d be overjoyed to know you writhed half naked on top of some dude’s cock, but didn’t actually kiss him, so therefore can be absolved of any blame.” She’s changed tract after a facebook chat today however, and is now citing that she needs to know that I genuinely like her before she is comfortable doing that stuff.

I’m no mug, and I won’t be played for a fool. I told her in no uncertain terms that I need to be able to express myself physically in order to know if I genuinely like someone or not, and I won’t be blackmailed into saying what she wants to hear just so she can get her way. She admitted last night that she’s had the upper hand in every single relationship she’s had – she’s always been the one to end it on her own terms, and walk away. The girl won’t budge! She said she wants to meet up again, and I’ve said that if we do meet up, and she pulls the “turning her head away” crap on me again, I’ll leave right there and then.

It would be the easiest thing in the world to just tell her “Yes, I really like you, I can see this going somewhere, ditch your boyfriend and go out with me instead.” I could say that and be penetrating her by tomorrow night most likely, but I am simply not prepared to lie through my teeth in that fashion. She’s a sweet girl, and I will not deliberately cause her to think there is potentially more there than there actually is, and end up leaving her heartbroken.

I think in the end its going to come down to a brinksmanship. I know she is strongly attracted to me, and I need leverage her fear of losing me. That way, I can get the hookup on my terms, and we’re both on the same page, and no-one has had to lie to anyone else. Could you claim that this is also just manipulating her? Perhaps, but there is no deceit involved – she’s a grown woman, and if she chooses to go ahead with her eyes wide open, then that’s entirely her own choice. I’m prepared to lose her if needs be – you have to always be prepared to lose the girl if you truly want to be successful in your pursuit.

Either way, I’m enjoying the challenge – it’s been a while since a girl I’ve pursued made it anything other than a formality to go through the motions!

15 thoughts on “Do No Harm

  1. I’m im going out with some chick, and I realise she has some real nasty interior and some vicious intentions, I will leave that bitch worse than when I got her. Teach her a lesson that you cant always be a cunt and get away with it.

    • That’s some pretty harsh vitriol there dude. Obviously I don’t know what you’re talking about specifically here, but an attitude like that in general isn’t conducive to leading a fulfilled, chilled life.

      I’m a firm proponent of calling people out on their bad behaviour at all times – but not lowering myself to their level. It makes you just as bad as them.

      • say going out with a chick and them find out shes secretly using you to try get a greencard and use me for my money, and that everythings a front to get it.upon discovering what she’s upto, i’d say….lead her on till last minute, let her pack her suitcase and everything then drop the bombshell that she ant getting shit……… something along them lines.nothing physical or shit like that.

      • Yes in that situation, I’d say that was a more than justified course of action!

        The point I was alluding to with this post was not deliberately lying to and manipulating girls just to get into their pants.

  2. I’m reading models by mark manson (post masculine) at the moment, it’s right up your alley. In fact interacting with women not on your own terms is a sign of neediness, that includes the “Yes, I really like you, I can see this going somewhere, ditch your boyfriend and go out with me instead.” Because it’s not on your genuine terms, Im guilty of it and it actually leads to shit sex anyway.

  3. Yeah I really like his stuff in general, he’s coming from a good place. I’ve not read that book yet though, I’ll look it up.

    Being a hard-ass actually pays off more often that not in Western society, where many girls, especially the more attractive ones, are so totally unused to a guy not taking any of their shit and laying the law down to them.

      • That’s probably true. Maybe it depends on how conservative or promiscuous a culture is. If sex is nothing…then kissing becomes more valuable.

  4. patrice o’neal made a good point when he said, “my job is to train my woman to be MY woman. all the shit you did before may have worked for him, but i need to prepare you to be BETTER in case we don’t work out; i send you out into the wild and you’re a catch now!!!” lol.

  5. You’ll never leave a woman better off. Every man she sleeps with lowers her ability to bond, and the earlier in the chain you hit it, the worse you’ll leave her.

    Personally, I never a pursue a woman if I would not consider a relationship with her. I don’t fuck people over for shits and giggles.

    But, if there’s some possibility there, then I go for it, knowing full well that if it ends, it’ll leave her worse off then when it started.

    I go in honestly, but I never have the illusion that I can do no harm.

    • I can see where you are coming from, but I’m not sure I entirely agree.

      Whilst it’s true what you say about each successive cock lowering a girl’s ability to bond, I think after they’ve surpassed about 5, or 10 at the most, it’s a moot point anyway. I’m certainly not advocating deflowering virgins who are madly in love with me.

      I think “leave her better” is a bit of a unrealistic notion, hence why I prefer to think of it as “do no harm” – by which I mean set out with no malicious intent. After initial hurt feelings have subsided, I’m still friends with many of my previous conquests, and they’ve all gone on to have happy and fulfilled relationships with other dudes.

      If I only pursued girls I wanted a relationship with… I might as well put my dick away in the cupboard. I haven’t met a single girl in the last 3 years who was hot, intelligent, interesting and down to earth enough for me to consider going out with her. I can spend time with girls, and enjoy it, but ultimately they all end up boring or annoying the crap out of me, it’s just a question of how long it takes to get to that point.

  6. Curious why you wouldn’t be willing to say this:

    “Yes, I really like you, I can see this going somewhere, ditch your boyfriend and go out with me instead.”

    After all, a relationship starts from the moment you meet a new person. You don’t have to frame it as a “couples” thing, but there’s no reason i could see why you wouldn’t be willing to say that unless you actually didn’t like her.

    Which if true – why are you wasting your time?

    There’s no need to promise exclusivity while telling someone you like them.

    • I’m physically attracted to her, and enjoy spending short amounts of time with her, but she’s definitely not going to be serious relationship material – she’s pleasant, but nowhere near intelligent and engaging enough to keep me hooked (no-one is in fairness) – and that’s the commitment she’s looking for from me currently, certainly with exclusivity. She’s a traditional sort of “relationships only” girl. She’s so hyper jealous she already tried to give me shit for talking to a girl at the bar whilst I was buying drinks, the first night I met her, which I found greatly amusing much to her chagrin.

      I’m trying to win her round to the idea of just getting together casually without these promises of commitment, with a view to just keeping an open mind about how things progress. And then there’s a possibility I can keep her around in a rotation, we’re both on the same page, we can enjoy the time we spend together, and I haven’t had to lie to anyone just to get my end away.

      I could very easily just tell her what she wants to hear, shag her until I get bored and then ditch her, massively hurting her in the process, but I won’t do that.

      Make sense?

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