Picture the scene – you are walking down the street, or in a bar. You see a girl you think is hot – do you approach? Without even being consciously aware, in a split second, your brain has weighed up myriad factors, and arrived at a snap decision. Yes or no?
In this post I’m going to try and list as many factors as I can think of that will potentially influence your decision whether to approach or not. Each factor can either be an encouragement or discouragement to your decision. If the encouraging factors tip the balance, you will approach. If the discouraging factors hold sway, you will not.
Ultimately, the aim of this post is to help you analyse where you currently are, and also how to manipulate these factors to your own benefit to achieve your aims.
Factor: Level Of Self Confidence
Encourages approach if: you have a general high opinion of your own self worth, leading to a sense of entitlement
Discourages approach if: you do not feel good about yourself, and doubt your own worth
How to improve the balance: get in shape, improve your physical appearance, become successful in your professional life
Factor: Desire To Improve
Encourages approach if: you feel you are lacking, and you possess an innate urge to better yourself
Discourages approach if: you are content with your lot in life
How to improve the balance: be ambitious, set yourself lofty goals, do not be content with mediocrity
Encourages approach if: you have a high libido, are currently in a state of sexual arousal
Discourages approach if: you have low sex drive, or are currently sexually satisfied
How to improve the balance: masturbate less, tap into your sexual state, correct potentially imbalanced hormonal levels
Factor: Need For Validation
Encourages approach if: you have low self-esteem, intrinsically linked to your success with women
Discourages approach if: you derive your feelings of self worth from things other than your interactions with women
How to improve the balance: something of a reverse factor, the encouraging influence of this actually declines the more confident you become. Once you have ceased to derive your ego validation from your success with women, you’ll find yourself much less compelled to approach, but it is definitely not a place you want to go back to again once you’ve left it behind
Factor: Level Of Beauty Of Target
Encourages approach if: you find the girl significantly more attractive than the majority of others
Discourages approach if: the girl is merely averagely cute, nothing out of the ordinary
How to improve the balance: place yourself in an environment full of top quality women. This could involve relocating to a different country, or hanging out in top end clubs
Factor: Reference Experiences
Encourages approach if: you have pulled a girl this hot before
Discourages approach if: the girl is significantly more attractive than one you have previously attained, you think she might be “out of your league”
How to improve the balance: either be prepared to take the uncomfortable step of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, or ease pressure on yourself by approaching with nothing more in mind than to have a conversation with the girl, gradually acclimatising
Factor: Social Skills
Encourages approach if: you are an accomplished conversationalist, witty
Discourages approach if: you feel you do not have much to say for yourself, you worry the interaction may stall
How to improve the balance: numerous – go out of your way to interact with as many strangers every day as possible (innocent interactions with shop assistants etc), travel and take up new hobbies so you have more to talk about, don’t set the bar on what you consider to be a “good thing to say” so high, take the phone number quickly after just a minute or two to prevent the chance of the conversation stalling
Factor: Level Of Social Pressure
Encourages approach if: there are few consequences of a failed approach
Discourages approach if: you are in a situation where many people can hear what you are saying (crowded tube platform), girl is in a group (how large is the group? is it mainly girls, or men?)
How to improve the balance: approach single girls on the street during the day – no “audience” or group to contend with
Factor: Level Of Encouragement From Target
Encourages approach if: strong IOIs from the girl, she makes it apparent she is attracted to you
Discourages approach if: no sign she has even noticed you exist, or she looks bitchy or unapproachable
How to improve the balance: improve your appearance, physique, posture – all will invite more IOIs, making a cold approach warm. Potentially be prepared to plough through interactions with unreceptive girls until you hook
Where I’m Currently At
Here I’m going to list each of the above factors, along with where I consider myself to fall on the spectrum. Do the same, it should be an interesting exercise in self-analysis – you can perhaps identify your main sticking issue, and address it.
– Level of Self Confidence: No problems here. Never been higher. I have been described recently as “oozing with confidence”. I am in great shape, have my appearance nailed, am wealthy, and working on some very rewarding personal projects
– Desire To Improve: Not massive if I’m honest. I have achieved a level with girls I’m satisfied with, I can get 8.5s with relatively little effort. 9s and above are harder, but the cost/benefit balance isn’t favourable in my mind
– Horniness: The main killer for me. Having been diagnosed with low T, I’m currently in the process of beginning testosterone replacement therapy. I’ve identified this as my main stumbling block, and have taken all steps to rectify the situation, which will pay off very soon
– Need For Validation: Non-existent, for which I am grateful. I decoupled my level of self-worth from my ability with women, and I’ve never been happier. Although as mentioned above, this is actually now a discouraging factor on my approaches
– Level Of Beauty Of Target: Another big problem. I have extremely high standards, and there are very very few girls that match up in the UK. I need to relocate to a different country to fix this, which I aim to do just as soon as I get my financial independence in the next 12 months
– Reference Experiences: To this day, I still don’t consider myself to have shagged a girl who I consider to be a genuine 9.5 – although my friends rate most of the girls I’ve been with far higher than I, their opinion doesn’t count to me. Ultimately however, this doesn’t bother me, for the reason about not needing validation outlined above. But if I’m honest, it definitely does give me pause when weighing up whether to talk to a very hot girl
– Social Skills: No issue here. I am intelligent, articulate, socially dominant, witty. I’ve honed these skills by constantly talking to anyone and everyone I come across in my day to day life. I really had to battle my natural introversion at first, and it was painful, but I stuck with it. I also firmly believe anything I say is interesting and relevant, which comes across in my tonality and measured speed of delivery
– Level Of Social Pressure: I now solely talk to girls during the day on the streets or in shops. I simply cannot be bothered with bars and clubs, the drunken morons, large groups, bitch shields and low quality club skanks that it entails. It’s a fools’ game
– Level Of Encouragement From Target: I get a LOT of IOIs these days, from hot girls, due to the massive time and effort investment I’ve sunk into my appearance. However, my current low sex drive, and high standards, makes me not bother with most of them. A girl who falls below my standards can still garner my interest however, by literally putting it on a plate for me. I am actually currently being pursued actively by a relatively decent girl. I consider this to be the next level of game for me – to get my own value so high that girls start coming after me. Ultimate lazy man’s game.
Based on the above, I’ve identified my own two main issues as my libido, and my location in the UK – and I have concrete plans to fix both of these in the short to medium term.
Hopefully this has been of some interest, and will help you to identify your own sticking points, and help you come up with solutions to tip the balance in your favour.
Credit goes to Steve Jabba for the original inspiration for this post.