Manosphere Maladjustment Of The Week – Having Feelings For A Girl Is “Weird”

“I’m sad because I am maladjusted”

Honestly, I see so much social maladjustment in this part of the internet (usually from adolescents trying waaay to hard to be “alpha” or “dark triad” or some other such nonsense), but at least once or twice I see a peach on the blog of one of the more renowned bloggers.

Let’s set one thing straight before I continue – I’m not writing this to imply “I’m better than anyone else”, or any other such sentiment that threatens the fragile egos around here. Nor am I doing it to criticise anyone, or launch a personal attack in any way – lord knows I’ve said and thought some daft things over the years. And even if I’ve taken someone’s remark out of context, it’s not important, since it’s merely serving as a catalyst for a post. I’m writing in the hope that some people might read it, and realise they were perhaps heading slightly down the wrong course with how they were approaching this pickup and self improvement lark. As I know only too well, going off the wrong way, with a head full of nonsense, can literally add years on to how long it’s going to take you to get to where you want to be.

So without further ado (having got the legal disclaimer out of the way, and naming no names) apparently it is now “weird when you develop feelings for girls”. Yes, that’s right, that biological urge that has been programmed into us by millions of years of evolution, to ensure our offspring has the best chance of survival, and that we fulfil our ultimate natural goal of reproduction – that is now to be considered “weird”.

Oneitis is a terrible affliction. It ultimately is our subconscious signalling to us that we don’t think we are worthy of the girl we are pursuing. Her perceived value is greater than our own, and so we pedestalise her, altering our behaviour, supplicating, and eventually driving her away. Consequently, budding PUAs attempt to ruthlessly quash such feelings, fearing that it makes them weak. In doing so, they shut off a large portion of what it is to be human, and prevent themselves from ever really connecting at anything above a superficial level with the girls they shag.

But what is the point of all this self improvement, if at the end of the journey you can’t look forward to the chance of a meaningful relationship (you know, one with emotions and everything) with a girl who you know is true top quality in every regard?

I am single, I am happy, and I am happy to continue being single until such time as I meet a girl who makes me reconsider – and I’d still be happy even if that never happened. My life is good – but I’m not so conceited as to think it couldn’t be better shared with someone else, who complements me in every way. And if or when I do, I need to make sure I’ve got my shit together. That I am a sufficiently confident, masculine individual, with enough going on in his life other than pickup, that I can retain my sense of self, and not pedestalise and supplicate even when I have strong feelings for someone.

It’s easy to be aloof when you don’t care about something. Maintaining state and frame when you care – now that’s a real challenge. One that I hope I experience often – since if I don’t, then it means I haven’t met any girl I actually give a shit about, which is ultimately a shame.

So no, I do not think it is “weird” when you develop feelings for a girl. It is completely normal, and part of being human. The other alternative is to be a soulless, unfeeling robot, and then wonder why you suffer player burnout down the line. The problem comes when these feelings overwhelm you, and you lose your sense of self. Despite being unpleasant in the short term, it can serve as a flag that you are not as far along in your journey as you thought you were, and so in that sense can be beneficial.

Stop trying to gain confidence solely through picking up women, redefine what matters to you, adopt an abundance mentality to life, and watch as your confidence and ability with women skyrockets quite independent of how many notches you’ve currently got under your belt. Women should be the side dish to life, not the main course. There’s no better immunisation for oneitis in my book.


22 thoughts on “Manosphere Maladjustment Of The Week – Having Feelings For A Girl Is “Weird”

  1. Totally agree with this. There’s too many rules it seems into what kind of lifestyle you have to lead in order to be the best PUA or player or whatever it is that you can be. When you take a step back and remember why you got into it all, then you should evaluate where your head is at and what’s going on in your life and see if it matches up.

    Sometimes I think people try too hard.

  2. Good post. Feelings is nothing to fear, but you do have to have them under control, and not become clingy and weakened by it. And although this is a men’s blog, this is true for women as well.

  3. Pingback: Follow the Links | On the Rock

  4. Glad some of the blogs are starting to wake up to the side of reducing emotions to ashes is not the way either.

    At first you inspire women and weak guys…but you feel dead inside. All investment and you shut out the return because you are scared. Basically you win a silver medal at life.

    Strong men use their logic and emotions. I’m of the belief at times you lead with logic and other times emotions…you have to know when the time is right.

    You want a gold medal…use what you have to inspire yourself and others.

  5. In fact…I’ve found the cure for oneitis of women is to inspire men. Women see that and you don’t have to do anything for them to become attracted to you.

  6. Your comparing game, designed to get you laid, not a relationship

    Which is why oneitis, & feelings get in the way

    If you want a relationship, learn relationship, or dread game

    Regular Game is designed to get you laid, not a relationship, stop confusing the two

    • If you think getting laid is a means unto itself, no matter how hollow and unhappy you remain feeling in spite of it, then the posts on this blog are not for you.

      I wish you the best of luck with your “dread game”.

      • What?

        The game as described in the manosphere is designed to get men laid

        It isnt designed for men who want a relationship

        If you want a relationship, learn relationship game, or dread game

        This is WHY men complain about oneitis & feelings when they practise techniques designed NOT TO GET THEM A RELATIONSHIP

        Regular game, which you describe in your post, is NOT DESIGNED FOR RELATIONSHIPS

        There are different versions of game & PUA

      • I SEE. Thank you for EXPLAINING. I feel so STUPID now. It makes your argument MUCH MORE VALID when you put chunks of it IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

      • I won’t argue the fact they love charismatic guys…but if your endgame is just sex then you are only charismatic enough for a short time for selfish motives. Eventually you turn soulless.

        Players need a red pill of their own and realize there is another level above what they are. Ooze charisma to those you aren’t trying to get laid with. It is more fulfilling to get into a woman’s mind that doesn’t involve your penis.

  7. I just discovered your blog; interesting reading. I agree with your statement in this post. Ultimately fulfillment comes in finding a spouse that compliments and completes your life. I absolutely pursued my wife. Not out of some sense that she was too good to let her get away, but because I knew she was a good fit for my life.

  8. When I started I honestly didn’t realise that you did need your shit together, I didn’t make women auxiliary. It didn’t matter so much because I was gaming 19 yr olds, but this is a lifestyle for the longterm and if I found a girl I had feelings for I would observe them.

  9. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/05/22 | Free Northerner

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s