Honestly, I see so much social maladjustment in this part of the internet (usually from adolescents trying waaay to hard to be “alpha” or “dark triad” or some other such nonsense), but at least once or twice I see a peach on the blog of one of the more renowned bloggers.
Let’s set one thing straight before I continue – I’m not writing this to imply “I’m better than anyone else”, or any other such sentiment that threatens the fragile egos around here. Nor am I doing it to criticise anyone, or launch a personal attack in any way – lord knows I’ve said and thought some daft things over the years. And even if I’ve taken someone’s remark out of context, it’s not important, since it’s merely serving as a catalyst for a post. I’m writing in the hope that some people might read it, and realise they were perhaps heading slightly down the wrong course with how they were approaching this pickup and self improvement lark. As I know only too well, going off the wrong way, with a head full of nonsense, can literally add years on to how long it’s going to take you to get to where you want to be.
So without further ado (having got the legal disclaimer out of the way, and naming no names) apparently it is now “weird when you develop feelings for girls”. Yes, that’s right, that biological urge that has been programmed into us by millions of years of evolution, to ensure our offspring has the best chance of survival, and that we fulfil our ultimate natural goal of reproduction – that is now to be considered “weird”.
Oneitis is a terrible affliction. It ultimately is our subconscious signalling to us that we don’t think we are worthy of the girl we are pursuing. Her perceived value is greater than our own, and so we pedestalise her, altering our behaviour, supplicating, and eventually driving her away. Consequently, budding PUAs attempt to ruthlessly quash such feelings, fearing that it makes them weak. In doing so, they shut off a large portion of what it is to be human, and prevent themselves from ever really connecting at anything above a superficial level with the girls they shag.
But what is the point of all this self improvement, if at the end of the journey you can’t look forward to the chance of a meaningful relationship (you know, one with emotions and everything) with a girl who you know is true top quality in every regard?
I am single, I am happy, and I am happy to continue being single until such time as I meet a girl who makes me reconsider – and I’d still be happy even if that never happened. My life is good – but I’m not so conceited as to think it couldn’t be better shared with someone else, who complements me in every way. And if or when I do, I need to make sure I’ve got my shit together. That I am a sufficiently confident, masculine individual, with enough going on in his life other than pickup, that I can retain my sense of self, and not pedestalise and supplicate even when I have strong feelings for someone.
It’s easy to be aloof when you don’t care about something. Maintaining state and frame when you care – now that’s a real challenge. One that I hope I experience often – since if I don’t, then it means I haven’t met any girl I actually give a shit about, which is ultimately a shame.
So no, I do not think it is “weird” when you develop feelings for a girl. It is completely normal, and part of being human. The other alternative is to be a soulless, unfeeling robot, and then wonder why you suffer player burnout down the line. The problem comes when these feelings overwhelm you, and you lose your sense of self. Despite being unpleasant in the short term, it can serve as a flag that you are not as far along in your journey as you thought you were, and so in that sense can be beneficial.
Stop trying to gain confidence solely through picking up women, redefine what matters to you, adopt an abundance mentality to life, and watch as your confidence and ability with women skyrockets quite independent of how many notches you’ve currently got under your belt. Women should be the side dish to life, not the main course. There’s no better immunisation for oneitis in my book.