Confrontation as a Learnable Skill

Many students of the manosphere and keen proponents of self improvement are likely, like myself, to have come from a position of low self confidence.

Low self confidence generally means being a people pleaser. A fragile ego cannot take the thought that you may be disliked by people, and as such, I personally used to find myself doing my utmost to avoid doing or saying anything that might make anyone think poorly of me. Of course ironically as I now know, it probably engendered feelings of contempt in others.

As such, I was petrified of confrontation. Physical, verbal, emotional, I’d do anything to avoid it.

One of the single most important things you need to start doing as a man is learning to stand up for yourself, and say no to people. With that territory however comes confrontation. You may not be seeking it out, but when someone is trying to get you to do something, and you refuse, it’s inevitable.

Chances are, you have absolutely no experience in actually dealing with confrontational situations when you first start doing this. The wave of emotions – anger, fear – and the corresponding surge of adrenaline that can course through you, even for seemingly mild disagreements with people, can be completely debilitating. You lose the ability to think clearly, to get your words out properly, and to control your facial expression. There’s even a chance with some people at the extreme end of the spectrum that “red mist” can descend, and you lose total control.

Fortunately, it’s not always like this. Dealing with confrontation is a learnable skill like anything else. The more times you put yourself in the situation, the more of a familiar experience it becomes, and the better you become at keeping a handle on your emotions, and the better you are therefore able to retain your composure and think quickly and clearly, whilst still speaking eloquently. You’ll gain the upper hand much more often than not if you can keep your cool whilst the other person loses theirs.

It’s like getting a handle on cold approach. When you first start doing it, you’ll be overwhelmed by nerves and anxiety, and really struggle to hold your shit together and present yourself well. Over time however, you’ll gain in experience and each time it will gradually become easier to control yourself and give your best performance.

I wouldn’t recommend actively seeking confrontation, but never ever shy away from it. There are going to be important times in your life when the shit hits the fan, and you need to be prepared for it and able to react in a calm, collected manner without going to pieces.

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2 thoughts on “Confrontation as a Learnable Skill

  1. Good post. The challenge is often in finding the kind of repeatable inconsequential situations where you can assert yourself. Clearly you can’t get into a fight all the time, but where can you “accidently” provoke small confrontations?

    Lately I have been experimenting with not paying for small things (toilet usage, parking), or “forgetting” money to see what happens. Often after being yelled at I don’t have to pay at all.

    • Hah, I like it! It’s amazing what you can actually get away with if you just push a situation and remain unflinching. Each time, the subsequent adrenaline spike gets smaller as you get used to it.

      Ultimately – you end up a sociopath 😉

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