Post-Manosphere

I’m ready for something new.

I’ve been on the journey over the past year or so – discover the manosphere, experience fervent excitement at stumbling across this collection of like-minded, erudite bloggers.

Devour all the information I can find, follow every link, have my impressionable mind tainted with the bitterness and misogyny being exhibited.

Use the dark alpha traits to pick up girls, deriving no satisfaction from shallow encounters based on values that are not my own.

Become dispirited, bemoaning the lack of quality women, not realising that going about my romantic encounters with a heart full of negativity is merely serving to draw negative experiences towards me.

And there it would have stayed – stuck in a cycle of unsatisfying hookups, continual criticisms of the ills of society, and the corresponding attribution of blame at the feet of womankind – had I not decided to finally stump up some cash and get myself a coaching session with Steve Jabba.

I can credit that meeting with really setting me on the path to true confidence and happiness. It taught me that you don’t need these “bad boy” alpha traits, you don’t need to view women as objects of spite, mere receptacles for all your own bitterness. I learned you can bring women into your life by being positive, confident, complimenting them, loving them generally for who they are, rather than just concentrating on the negative all the time.

I’ve just come from reading an article espousing the pointlessness of ever getting into an LTR, breaking it down as if it was some kind of mathematical cost-benefit analysis. I personally may choose a certain path in life, and my values are not everyone else’s, but when I see people spreading their own bitterness around and instructing others to do the same, it just makes me realise that this the Manosphere is doing more harm than good.

Just the other day I read an article trumpeting the benefits of being a father as if it was some kind of fucking revelatory information – are people around here really so maladjusted? I may not want kids at this stage in my life, but when I do, I have no doubt what a rewarding experience it will be, the opportunity to pass on my lifetime of experience, and to provide a safe, stable family unit with a strong masculine presence for them to develop in. Does this really need pointing out to people? Really?

Yes these issues need discussing, but the courses of action recommended are simply not befitting the actions of responsible, mature men. I’m quite capable of being aware of the decline of society, and choosing to take no part in it, without trying to speed up the process by encouraging people not to express the most basic male/female dynamic for companionship and form relationships with one another.

So where now? I’ve already formed a kind of uber-manosphere in my RSS reader, a filtered list of only those blogs that remain universally positive and helpful in their outlook, but there’s not really that many of them. Even some of those that do just end up repeating the same content over and over again.

I’m becoming increasingly interested in “sprititualism” (I use the term hesitantly – I can’t stand 99% of the mystical shite associated with the term), by which I solely mean the meta-analysis of my own cognition and consciousness. I also feel I’m entering a more altruistic period of my life, whereby I’m beginning to derive greater pleasure from helping those around me, rather than just pursuing everything for purely selfish reasons.

If anyone’s got any good blog recommendations, I’ll be glad to check them out.

Take it easy

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27 thoughts on “Post-Manosphere

  1. Blogs generally find you. I’m sure you’ve heard of zenhabits.. I dig it.

    You’re putting out a children’s book, isn’t your life focused on that, or if it’s finished aren’t you poring over the process of letting it make some $$$?

  2. A children’s book?? Where did that come from! If you want small children to grow up warped and twisted, then sure – I suppose I could put one out 😉

    I’ve been working the last 6 months in my spare time on a stock market analysis system which will grant me financial independence all things going well, which is nearly finished. I have quite a bit of downtime though – on the tube, late evenings etc – where I like to peruse blogs, and expand my mind a little. I’m always on the lookout for new stuff.

    I didn’t know about zenhabits actually, I’ll check it out now, cheers.

  3. Some of the blogs do have a really bleak view on relationships, but I know plenty of long term loving relationships. Sure, I know a lot of people incapable of being in one, but still, there are lots of great marriages & families.

    All you have to do is carefully select & then confidently lead.

    • I agree completely. I think so many of these manosphere bloggers hold potentially influential positions in the minds of a generation of young people, and instead of using the opportunity for good, are instead spreading vitriol and bitterness based on their own failings with women.

      Young men need strong male figures giving advice that is going to better them, not that’s going to encourage them to become even more selfish and contribute to the downwards sprial of western society.

  4. I think you may have been referring to my recent blog post about avoiding LTRs and I think you may have gotten the wrong impression from that post.

    I am fully supportive of a long-term committed marriage and I am pursuing that path myself. I heartily encourage (purposeful and rational) marriage on my blog.

    I simply do not think an uncommitted LTR is worthwhile; it is a mediocre, unfulfilling approach to relationships. It is the mediocrity and pointlessness of the LTR that I object to.

    A man should have a goal and should pursue it. If that goal is a family and a committed relationship, then he should find the right girl, seal the deal, and get married. Do it purposefully; do it right.

    If a man’s goal is hedonism and avoiding commitment, do it right; be a player, start gaming, and have the wildest ride you can. Don’t limit your hedonism to a “safe”, mediocre LTR.

    Essentially go big or go home.

    Maybe I wrote what I intended to poorly (I know it wasn’t as good as what I wanted the post to be, but I had forgotten some of what I was planning to write when I originally thought the idea up and had trouble organizing it), but I think you misunderstood the post. The post wasn’t (supposed to be) about negativity or bitterness; it was supposed to be about embracing the best in life rather than settling into mediocrity.

    As for the cost-benefit analysis; I’m an analytical person, that’s how I view things. It’s sometimes seems weird or cold to other people, but c’est la vie.

    I think I might write another post on this to clarify further and to answer some points made on it by smoothreentry:
    http://smoothreentry.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/should-girlfriend-status-be-the-final-destination/

    • All good, apologies if I misconstrued the meaning of your post.

      Mistaken as I may have been, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back more than anything, it wasn’t meant to be an attack on you, or any other one individual. There are a lot of influential bloggers in this part of the internet, and many of them are encouraging men to be selfish, aloof assholes, and there are plenty of young people impressionable enough to adopt that as a life philosophy.

      Being genuine and loving women does not have to be diametrically opposed to being good at game.

      So despite the fact a man may have a committed, trusting, long term relationship, you’d still encourage him to get married, even with all the pitfalls it entails?

      I hold no fear of marriage personally – I know that when I choose to settle down, I have enough core masculinity to keep any woman’s attraction.

      • I take a religious view of marriage. I would encourage men to get married if they believe their lot is to be married and raise a family. If they believe they can serve better being single, I encourage that. For unbelievers, I encourage them to do what they find meaningful.

        Being married though, does not necessarily entail an actual marriage license. It is a commitment before God and community. The state license is superfluous.

        Even with the pitfalls, I would encourage marriage. Life is risk. Sometimes, to achieve his goals, after reasonably assessing his hand a man just has to take the risk, go all in, and let the chips fall where they may.

      • I think we’re pretty much on the same page. I’ll be sure to check someone’s actual meaning before I cite them, even indirectly, in future.

  5. Hey man I hope you find happiness. I am the same, shallow hookups are fun to brag to yoru friends about, but they just leave you feeling empty.

    So much better to derive your own values.

    • Hey, thanks for the best wishes. I actually am happy now, the most I have been in my life, and it came through dropping all of the negativity towards women in my mind. It eats away at you, makes your heart dark over time.

  6. To be honest, I dislike the badboy alpha stuff a bit. I’d rather be a good person, your spirituality part of the post certainly rings through, but from a position of strength and masculinity. There’s a good alpha/sigma and a bad sigma/alpha imo. That in itself deserves a post. Basically a decent person, altruistic, but who isn’t a pussy, won’t take any shit, who isn’t afraid to speak out/fight back when shit hits the fan and just gets on with it.

    These are dark times ken, but there is a lot of good out there. The key is not to get caught up in the former and wholly embrace the latter.

    • Good comment mate. You’re spot on about the whole good/evil thing.

      I feel currently there are those amongst us who currently have the financial clout, confidence, knowledge and social wherewithal to make a difference.

      That difference can either be for purely selfish purposes – adding fuel to the fire of the burning of the fabric of society, instructing others on the fastest path to hedonism and damn anyone who gets in the way; or it can be for the benefit of others – passing on knowledge on how to be a better man, how to treat people well whilst maintaining core masculinity, and assisting others in their journey towards self-actualisation.

      I know which I feel is the more responsible choice as a man.

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  10. I think you can find some inspiration for going further here:

    http://www.masculinity-movies.com/articles

    http://www.masculinity-movies.com/

    For general spirituality I highly recommend A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield and Shinzen Young for meditation. Shinzen has great articles on his website.

    Read Iron John by Robert Bly and the book King Warrior Magician Lover to go deeper with masculinity.

    This manosphere blog is very positive and constructive and has more depth than most:

    http://wildman.newworldscoaching.ca/

  11. Oh and of course this:

    http://www.authenticmanprogram.com/igtp/InnerGameStickingPoints.pdf

    These guys have the deepest teachings on game I have come across. It ties in perfectly with Iron John, King warrior magician lover, David Deida and deeper spirituality.

    Also read David Deidas Finding God Through Sex and his other books not just Way of the Superior Man.

    Maybe you can delve deeper into thoughts on fatherhood. Try to find texts written about fatherhood before feminism arrived on the scene for example. Check out research like this:

    http://stagedreality.wordpress.com/2012/11/04/men-dont-mother-the-cached-version/

    Take those two ingredients and boil it together with general manosphere philopshy and something good is bound to come up.

    • Halfway through that PDF, it’s absolutely great – this kind of stuff needs to me more “mainstream” in the manosphere. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Where did you find it all from? Links from links kind of thing?

  12. Someone at a spiritual forum wrote about it I think. I have been trying to spread it in the sphere for some time. It definitively should be brught to the attention of other bloggers. The game it teaches is deeper and more effective and easier to to learn in many ways and it is very , very healthy. They also communicate in a way that is not offensive to women. They have tons of female fans. Because true presence is such a deep thing that ties into all aspects of life, brings you into deep spirituality and is something you have to work on as a life long process, this form of game provides a dimmension of MEANING that asshole game does not provide and that regular good game does not do to the same extent. It has the power to transform the sphere to something much more.

    Have you read the Book of Pook? It is also a great text on inner game and it has great insights on what it means to be a man.

    Iron John by Robert Bly describes the process of initiation of young men across cultures as a universal in past human societies that tried to acomplish a mature development of masculinity in essentially the same way everywhere and shared the same philosophy of masculinity. Inspired by Blys book a movement called the mythopmovement arose that has tried to create modern versions of the initiation processes of tribal societies. I have met some people who have been involved in this work and I am very impressed with the results. THe process aims at preventing men from being weak in relation to women and in life because they fear the loss of “mother energy”, it aims to awaken the core raw power of the masculine wildman and connect his power to a higher purpose. It also aims to help men avoid the traps of narcicism and codependence and to remove their fear of other men and the need to prove themselves. It aims to integrate the mans feminine side in a functional way and it creates a sphere for men free of female influence and creates a solidaric brotherhood. Bly attributes the modern mans weakness towards women to a lack of such initiation. It is easy to see the overlap with topics the sphere is concerned with and to see an overlap in the views of masculine psychology and the soloutions for men. As far as I can judge they achieve these goals in a very deep way and in a very healthy way. I see the form of lifelon male exclusive networks where men together ALONE define what a man is as vital to the future development of society. THe sphere has done something similar but we need to connect with these guys and go deeper with it.

    Within these groups many are very critical of feminism and there seems to be an overlap between the MRA. Howver many of them still can`t quite see fully outside the feminist paradigm because they lack information. THey also lack the spheres ability to deal with the really uncomfortable truths. THe two groups need each other.

    There is an overlap between the mythopoets and the NeoMasculinity teachings of David Deida and the huge following he has in alternative spiritual circles where many, many people teach stuff that is much deeper than what is taught in the spehre, do it more healthy and know how to make it a lot more enjoyable than learning game tends to be for guys. HOwever the guys in this world are still far, far to o controlled by the feminine imperative and, no matter how much they think they have found their balls, haven`t done so to the degree the men in the sphere have. Sure they can pass shit tests but they still struggle with anything that might insult women as a group. THey doN`t really dare say what is uncomfortable to women on a cultural level and that lack of leadership is a critical point. Only the sphere has the real will to see the truth about all aspects of male female dynamics no matter how uncomfortable and to draw the consequences from that and reaad women when it gets tough.

    The MRA is important in part because of the issues it fights for but also has a critical part in removing male guilt. It is really a lack of an MRA perspective that most keeps the Deida crowd and the mythopoets to still be too apologetic towards women. THey are guilty about the patriarchy and of “opression” of women today.

    My view is that all these groups need to grow together into one big thing, at least in part so that they are very much integrated. Of all these the sphere is most important because it has the highest tolerance for uncomfortable truths, and appreacation for the masculine in its rawer forms and truly has the balls to lead women even when they put up massive resistance and the full spectrum of shaming and feminine manipulation tactics. Despite knowing the other groups quite well and seeing that they have deeper things to offer than the sphere, guys in the sphere are the only ones i truly TRUST to keep their balls and to never give into the female frame no matter what. I don`t trust the guys in the other groups not to do that because they have never truly broken free just come very close.

    • Well, this is all very interesting, thanks for taking the time to write it all out – you’ve given me a lot of food for thought. I’m going to start trying to make my way through some of the material you’ve referenced in the next few weeks.

      I too believe that the application of “spiritualistic” teaching can provide a much less painful, and overall healthier road into all this stuff for a lot of guys.

      However, it’s difficult persuading readers in this part of the internet that it has any value. They’re obsessed with flashy tactics, being the “aloof alpha bad boy”, and not really prepared to sit down and address their fundamental issues in a structured manner. I’ll definitely be posting more about it though in the future.

  13. Spiritualism – the defining book – and perhaps the only one you’ll need on the subject – is The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts.

    • That looks really interesting, I was just checking through the reviews on Amazon. I’ve ordered a copy – hopefully it won’t be full of stuff I 90% already know or think like many of these books when it turns up!

      Self-limiting beliefs aren’t really an issue for me, but I’m always on the lookout for beneficial ways to hack my consciousness to get more out of myself.

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