Things have been pretty quiet this week, my normal wellspring of blog-related inspiration having slowed to something of a pathetic trickle.
I attended my first CBT session on Tuesday, which was actually very interesting – I’m basically getting the professor to apply CBT techniques to approach anxiety on model-hot women. It was pretty funny actually – he turned out to be a good lad and a bit of a womaniser. At a couple of points in the conversation he caught himself involved in a spirited discussion about which countries in the world have the hottest women, or the concept of rating women out of 10, and kind of shook his head with a smile on his face as if to say “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with a client!”
Obviously this kind of thing has never been formally worked on before, so we’re going to create a plan for breaking down and tackling the issue, based loosely on performance anxiety (the closest “real” CBT issue which we could link it to). I shall reveal all when I’ve finished my course in the next few weeks, I’ve got a feeling we’re going to come up with something good.
Other than that, I’ve been training, counting calories, and working hell for leather on my stock project. It seems to have become the sole focus of my life at the moment, to the exclusion of anything else, even women. I’ve become virtually celibate since the turn of the new year. Once I realised I have the mindset and skillet to attain 8.5s, and they became my new tide mark, it kind of put that whole “burning desire to prove my ability with women to myself and chase relentless notches” thing to bed, and my natural extreme choosiness has come to the fore.
I’ve passed over a couple of dates recently with pretty hot women, just because I wasn’t getting much of a vibe from them. Being a natural introvert, I have a small circle of very close friends, and I am extremely selective about who I spend my time with. I’m at a place now where I think to myself “If this girl was a dude, but still had the same level of intelligence, charisma, and wit, would I want to spend more than 5 minutes in his company?” The answer is almost invariably “No”. I actually feel like I would be compromising myself to endure the company of someone who doesn’t offer me anything except a wet hole to put my dick in wrapped up in a pretty package, purely for sexual gratification purposes. Maybe high class hookers are the way forward for now – no conversation required 😉
In terms of screening girls, I think street approaching will help this in some ways – you immediately get a “real” sense of the girl, how clever she may or may not be, and the type of person she is. With online dating, it’s more of a crapshoot – it’s very difficult to get a sense of what someone is really like until you meet them in person, by which point (unless you’re down with just being pretty rude and walking away) you’re bound to spend at least a couple of hours on a date you don’t want to be on.
I’ve realised something recently about how to bring the best version of myself out as much as possible. I was going to make a post about it, but Maverick Traveller beat me to the punch (this is an excellent blog by the way, the dude’s got a really good natural writing style) – although I think I would have called the post “Living Life On Your Own Terms”, since that is essentially the thrust of the piece.
Maverick describes a situation whereby he was travelling through Europe alone, and received an invite from a friend to go stay with him in Ukraine. Throughout the duration of his visit, he was somewhat despondent and out of sorts, eventually realising the reason why – he was there at someone else’s request, living by their schedule, and was no longer living on his own terms.
Whenever you are doing anything for any other reason than “this is what I voluntarily chose to do”, you are compromising yourself as a masculine individual. Men should set their own agendas, be able to do what they want, when they want, on their own terms.
Looking back at the times when I have been away travelling for extended periods, during which a different, completely relaxed, super-confident version of myself has come to the fore, I can see now that it was because I was living completely on my own terms. Every day I woke up, and all I had to do was “whatever the hell I want”. I had no responsibilities, no worries, and just lived each day as I wished. I put this down initially to merely being away from the social constraints of my home country, but now with retrospection, I realise it’s more than that.
Obviously, the main constraint that almost all of us have that prevents us living on our own terms is the need to engage in full-time employment to survive. Rent and bills need paying, food needs acquiring. Even for those of us who love our jobs, can you really honestly say that you’d choose to spend 5/7 of your week doing it in an ideal scenario? I like dressing up smart in my tailored shirts when I go out at the weekend, but when I wear them to work, they feel like prison garb and I find myself yearning for my tracksuit bottoms and hoodie – not because I prefer the look, but more for what it represents – freedom to wear what I want.
Having made my first few successful bets on the stock market using my system, I now realise that my dream of escaping the rat race within the next 24 months can become a reality. There’s a ton of functionality still to add before it will really be fully ready to use – there’s still too much manual looking up of information involved for one – but I’ve seen the potential, and I’m extremely excited by it. It’s made me now focus in on getting it finished with laser intent, to the exclusion of all else.
Oh, and I’m moving house this weekend, into a much nicer, younger part of London, that to all intents and purposes appears to be about 60% women. I’m sick to the back teeth of where I’m living at the moment – it’s poor, dirty, full of hipsters, overly urban, and I’m actually in a minority for being an English speaker who was born in this country. Check out the new pad (yes, that’s a bath in my bedroom). I probably shouldn’t post those up, but I’m caring less and less about anonymity on here these days. As soon as I’m out of full-time work, I’ll put a face and a name to this blog.
Anyways, that’s enough rambling from me for now! Hopefully I’ll think of something more exciting to blog about next week. Have a good weekend all.
(Incidentally, if anyone is at all interested in the analysis method behind my stock system, let me know in the comments – I can put up a post about it.)