Simple When You Know How

Standing amidst the cacophony of sound and blinding lights, the upper echelons of the part of society comprised of the young, wealthy and good looking surrounding me, stone cold sober, a deep seated unshakeable calm exists within me.

Only 12 months ago, I’d have been nervously shifting my feet, draining my double JD and coke as fast as possible, welcoming the stupefying embrace of alcohol to ward against the pangs of social anxiety that used to overcome me sober in such venues. Thoughts of “I’ve got no banter. I hope that hot girl doesn’t speak to me” would have crowded my mind, until such time as I drowned them in intoxication.

Now, I cast my gaze impassively around me, soft drink in hand, completely at ease with myself and my surroundings. IOIs coming thick and fast, my arse getting groped by unseen female hands in the crowd (well, I hope they were female at least), I’m clearly radiating an attractive presence. Respectful nods from all the doorstaff and the manager, having blagged my way into the opening night of a new club despite it being strictly guest list only. A lot can change in 12 months it would seem!

I’ll wake up tomorrow, no hangover, no 3 day depression in store, eat healthy, go to the gym, and get some productive work done on my projects. I can’t believe how many days of my life I effectively lost to the debilitating effects of alcohol over the last 15 years.

I’m by no means yet where I want to be. After a lifetime of repressing my natural urges through fear of being labelled a creep, I’m having to learn from scratch how to be a sexual man and express it congruently to the real top value girls I’m after, but I’ve got a firm knowledge of how to get there finally. The realisation of how simple this actually all needs to be has been a revelation, I’ve been massively overcomplicating it all for so long.

See hot girl – open – make genuine statement of what you like about her – banter – sexualise – close. That’s all there is to it. No DHVs, negs, concealing of interest, dark triads, dread game or any of that crap.

Embrace the simplicity!

11 thoughts on “Simple When You Know How

  1. “See hot girl – open – make genuine statement of what you like about her – banter – sexualise – close. That’s all there is to it. No DHVs, negs, concealing of interest, dark triads, dread game or any of that crap.

    Embrace the simplicity!”

    Spot on. It SHOULD be simple. Had this exact conversation with Brad yesterday. This is where PUA went wrong a while ago… the dynamics of picking girls up should all be relatively simple.

    • Agreed, but as a caveat I’d say if you’re starting from a very low point of social anxiety and insecurity, it’s about using game as a crutch to learn social dynamics, until you increase your own value through self-improvement to a high enough level to start running authenticity

  2. Wow this is a really good post. Link love coming at you soon.

    I could not agree more. As a naturally good looking guy it has always been easy for me to get shithoused and say some stupid stuff to women and get laid. But sober? Afraid to make that first move.

    • Same pal, I’ve relied on alcohol for far too long, and I’m finally ridding myself of it. The main problem was that when I would go out, I’d get drunk and maybe pull 5 girls in one night, but two days later, it didn’t even feel like me who had done it – the drunk version of me felt like a different person, and so I never really gained any reference points or gave myself credit for it. You do it sober, in broad daylight – it’s you and no-one else, and the glory is all yours.

      It’s going to be tough however – I’ve been relying on it since age 16, so there’s some serious deprogramming to do! Hopefully CBT will help.

  3. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/02/20 « Free Northerner

  4. well, some teasing is always good. but it comes natural to me.

    one thing you missed – getting used to rejection, forgetting ‘no’ minute after you hear it and go for next girl

  5. The Lucky Lothario

    Was looking back at some of your earlier posts, particularly your posts about cutting out alcohol, and have a question for you. Now that I’m getting my chat on a lot earlier in the night, everyone involved is that little bit sober. For the most part, I’ve got no problems opening, on Tuesday got chatting to two ‘beauty therapists’ (cute but dim, guessed I studied Economics but neither knew what it was, lol), the first few minutes were fun since I could basically ride along on the value given to me by shuffilng my chair over and saying hi confidently.

    After that though (and partly thanks to my wingman repeatedly calling them beautiful) there just seemed to be a lack of anything fresh to talk about. It’s only an area of my game I’ve started to notice a gap in now that the very early stages are falling into place but I wonder if you’ve noticed that being a sticking point for you when you cut back on alcohol?

    My muppet of a wingman is worth keeping around though as he has a generally socially fearless persona but a beta heart. But he refers to me as Hank Moody which is a decent enough ego boost and gets me into a great social mood. It can get hard to limit alcohol intake with him around since he drinks pretty heavily.

    • Well, to my mind, if you’re opening girls early in the night, your best angle is to ride the DHV wave you’ve created by having the balls to open for 5 mins, tell her you think she’s cute and you’re going to take her out for a drink, take her number and then go about your night. You’re not realistically going to be spending all night up until 2am with the girl and then attempting an extraction, it’s a lot of pressure to keep an interaction with someone you’ve just met going for that long. Extractions like that work better towards the climax of the evening’s proceedings about 1am when everyone is pretty pissed, and you can swoop a girl out of a place.

      In terms of what to say… It’s not what you say, but how. You can either make a comment or tell a story thinking “What the fuck am I talking about. This is lame. She’s thinking what a tool I am.”, conveying all the subcommunications that entails. Or you can have laser eye contact, a slight smirk on your face, as you talk about inane drivel thinking “It doesn’t matter what I say. I am awesome. You love me. I’m going to smash you later.” – your whole bearing and countenance will convey this, and she’ll feel attraction.

      You’re more than witty and funny enough to make girls laugh. It can be 90% mundanities and 10% banter (see I can add up), provided the 90% is delivered in a confident manner. If you believe what you are talking about is interesting and important, so will she.

      Lower the bar for what you think is “good enough” conversational material. Even if you know you just said something dumb, don’t flinch, hold your frame together, smile, and pretend nothing happened. As a bonus, the more you take the pressure off yourself to say something “good”, the more you will actually unstifle and come out with genuinely funny shit.

      The 3 Bromigos have some great night out reports with good examples of simple, effective banter.

      Hope this helps!

      • The Lucky Lothario

        “Lower the bar for what you think is “good enough” conversational material”

        This is almost word for word what I said to my mate who asked me this, which set me thinking about what I actually do talk about. I realised that most of the time I start walking and just trust in myself. Doesn’t always come off but it is surprising the absolute bollocks you can get away with, as long as you say it as if somehow it’s slightly taking the piss out of her.

        I think the more I throw myself in the more I’ll get used to weaving a conversation out of nothing. Some of these girls just can’t carry the weight their end, they look expectant but don’t seem to realise it’s a joint effort.

        The 3 Bromigos stuff is good. The fun of their nights comes across really well in their posts.

      • Well ultimately, you /did/ walk up to them, so you can’t really expect them to invest as much in the conversation as you, at least not to start with!

        Just socialise like crazy with everyone. Banter every single shopkeeper you come across. Even if it’s stupid lame shit about the weather, it will just desensitise you, and get you used to just saying something, anything, to anyone you come across. Get a good pump in those conversational muscles.

        Look at what people are wearing. Look at the environment – are there any odd people, or weird things in your immediate surroundings? There’s usually at least one thing that’s comment worthy.

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