Human Guinea Pig

I’ve always been a curious sort of soul. I smoked weed at 14, and I’d taken my first Class A drugs by the age of 16. The next decade was spent largely in a blur of partying, being shit at talking to women, a 6 year LTR, and a large amount of various hallucinogens and narcotics. Eventually, the comedowns started lasting for days, and I had to knock it on the head.

The natural urge to try out strange and wonderful new substances has never left me however. I’m forever trying out new combinations of supplements such as fat burners, testosterone boosters, nootropics and various other tablets and pills.

One of my main grievances with my current physiological state is a certain lack of libido. When I’m back at my pad with an attractive girl and it’s time to get down to it, I’ve got absolutely no problems, and never really have. Since getting into my late 20s however, a combination of raised standards with girls and lowered testosterone had made me literally not care less 95% of the time, utterly killing my drive to approach. When I do approach, since I have no sexual state, it of course comes through – girls pick up on it as a lack of interest. With insecure girls, this can actually play into my hands, but high value confident girls will simply find someone else who is prepared to look at them with a gaze that says “the only thing preventing me hurling you to the floor and ravishing you at this very second are a number of laws with severe penalties, and the chance that you may have a taser or can of pepper spray in your bag”. This is why alcohol has traditionally been such an enabler of sexual acts for me – it lowers my inhibitions enough to go for girls I wouldn’t look twice at sober. Not ugly by any means (ok, possibly the occasional ugly one), but just not girls that rock my world, just your standard 6s and 7s.

In terms of libido/testosterone boosting supplements, I’m already on tribulus (although there’s very little concrete evidence it actually does anything), zinc, and fenugreek. I was beginning to run out of ideas in this department, when this morning on the tube I read this excellent article from the equally excellent blog SpotMeBro. As it transpires, there is actually a website called examine.com that contains a wealth of impartial, objective information on all manner of supplements.

Taken from the SpotMeBro article:

You can measure aphrodisia scientifically?

In order to test how effective something is in increasing (or decreasing) aphrodisia, we need some kind of measurement. There are two methods generally used:

  1. In rats (usually, and in this case, male) the drug is given for a few days and then a ‘receptive female’ is placed into the cage. The researchers then count how fast and frequently they copulate by a variety of parameters (mounting, intercourse, ejaculation speed and how long between rounds the rats take). A fun job really.
  2. Since there are ethical problems in doing a double-blind study on humans (as really it would need to be measured through voyeurism), we usually just ask people taking the aphrodisiacs to fill out self-report surveys (How satisfied were you with your sex lately? Did you have sex more frequently? Etc.)

You can then compare the horny rats or self-proclaimed horny humans either to baseline (their activity level before taking aphrodisiacs) or to a control group given placebo.

Already getting a daily dose of yohimbine from my fat burners, the only one that has had results directly observed in humans left for me to try is maca. Over and above that, all the others have only been tested on rats. Again, from the same article:

Let’s use Tribulus Terrestris is the reference compound – it’s (by far) the most popular aphrodisiac and ‘testosterone booster’ on the market:

  • Tribulus increases mounting frequency by 24-27% and Intromission frequency (how frequently the female rat gets just the tip) by 19-22%10

Does ~25% increase sound good? Not for rats. The most potent aphrodisiacs in Examine’s database currently are:

  • Pedalium Murex, a berry that actually looks like tribulus, increased mounting frequency by 125%. Even better, it actually boosted testosterone as well11
  • Toothache plant increased mounting frequency 110% and intromission frequency 350% with an increase in the Penile Erection Index (how rigid the rat’s boner is; it’s something you get the undergraduate students to measure) by 202%12
  • Paederia Foetida increased mount frequency by 231% and intromissions by 222%13
  • Anacyclus Pyrethrum increased mount frequency up 165% intromissions up 213%14
  • Bulbine Natalensis, with one study had it outperforming Viagra when it came to aphrodisia (but not with the Penile Erection Index)15

These need human studies performed – they were 5-10x better than tribulus. Imagine a boner 200% more rigid?

I hereby nominate myself as human guinea pig to try these boner inducing herbs that were previously the sole preserve of randy rats, in the name of advancement of human science. That, and turning myself into an unstoppable sex-crazed game-spitting despoiler of ladies’ innocence (hah, oxymoron).

Starting with a 60 day trial of maca (it says it takes at least 30 days to kick in), I will then sample Spilanthes Acmella, followed by Anacyclus Pyrethrum – currently those are the only 2 on the list of 5 above that can be purchased online. For the others, I’m either going to have to become a botanist, or take a trip up a mountain or into a jungle to get hold of some. These activities are not necessarily out of the question…

Stay tuned for periodical updated on my progress with these. YouSoWould – taking random, untested supplements, so you don’t have to.

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5 thoughts on “Human Guinea Pig

  1. Bravo, sir!

    These are definitely studies the feminist-controlled funding committees would not countenance.

    Look forward to hearing the results.

  2. The Lucky Lothario

    “previously the sole preserve of randy rats”

    And you mock me for a sip of onion juice!

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