Say Farewell to The Cherish

For many of us, it’s what led us to this way of life in the first place. For others yet to receive an awakening from the matrix, it’s the one thing that we aspire to achieve, the only thing that can bring meaning to life.

The cherish, for those of you unfamiliar with it, is a term perhaps originally coined by the slimy, socially-maladjusted Tyler Durden of RSD “fame”. The cherish is used to describe the rosy state of loved-up bliss you enter into with a girl who you consider to perfect in every way, far higher value than yourself; when you have nothing else in your life; where being with the girl, and loving her, becomes the primary focus of your existence, the only thing which can provide you with true, blissful happiness. The cherish may exist immediately, or it may have grown slowly over time. You seek the cherish, and hang on to it when it is found, forsaking all others, your hobbies, your friends, and adherence to any kind of self-improvement. Some may call it being “head over heels, helplessly in love”.

I’m sure many of you can guess what comes next. Bereft of any kind of positive masculine behaviour, you lose sight of all sense of yourself, and come to identify solely with your relationship and the girl you are with. Anything else ceases to matter. Behave this way with the majority of western women, and next thing you know, you are suddenly out on your ear. Your manning down was so sudden and total that your attraction rating to your partner became briefly negative, and the complete lack of masculinity you displayed actually ended up repulsing her. In abject misery, and total confusion, you attempt to win her back by professing your undying adulation and love (as you have been instructed by society), only driving her even further away in the process.

Eventually, anguished and embittered, you hit rock bottom, and launch that fateful first Google query of “how do I get my girlfriend back”, and suddenly you find yourself balls deep in the red pill universe of game and the manosphere. Piece by piece, your reality is destroyed, and rebuilt from the ground up, with a lot of very difficult truths to swallow along the way.

Chief among these is the likelihood that it is never going to be possible to fully experience the cherish ever again with a girl who you consider to be of high value. The very act of seeking the cherish out induces you to adopt low value behaviours. The only way to have a successful relationship with a top quality girl, is to raise your own value and self-esteem to such a point that you consider her to be your equal at best. Any slight inclination in your mind that “this girl is perfect for me”, or granting permission to your mind to wander down flights of romantic fancy, visualising your glorious future together with swarms of little brats, and *poof* – you’ve been slapped around the back of the head with a gigantic LJBF.

The sadness of this situation is, to me at least, that the chief reason many of us pick up game in the first place – to seek out a top quality girl and have a loved-up relationship of warm rosy bliss that we were promised by society and the movies of our youth – is forever denied to us by the realities of feminist, hypergamy-driven culture. You must never lose sight of the fact that you need to maintain at least a moderate level of game, at all times, or you risk losing your valued prize.

Many men find in fact find this the hardest truth to come to terms with out of all of the red pill teachings. They simply don’t want to accept that they can’t just one day “let their guard down” and fully “be themselves” in the relationship. Well newsflash guys – unless “yourself” is naturally a sexy, bad-boy alpha stud, then you’re out of luck.

It doesn’t always need to end this way – sometimes it is possible to find a girl who will not punish you for your rabid flagellation in front of the altar of beta, and will perhaps love you in return even more for showing such devotion. I would conjecture that such girls are almost certainly of low value however.

That’s not to say that it isn’t possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with a great girl – you just need to accept that she cannot be the sole source of happiness in your life, and that you must strictly adhere to your masculine behaviour at all times, and never backslide into the realms of betadom. And indeed, it does grow easier over time, as you internalise more dominant behaviour, or at the very least, become somewhat cynically indoctrinated with game dogma.

One must always be vigilant however, and try to spot the early warning signs of this terrible affliction developing, and take immediate action to man the fuck up as much as possible. I’ve known seasoned players, who could turn over a new girl every night of the week if they could be bothered, get struck down with a bad case of the cherish, and even with all they have learned, the countless notches that have reduced their bedpost to a mere splinter, still lose out on the one girl they actually liked. It is the kryptonite of the PUA super hero.

As a slight aside, I believe this is perhaps more of an issue for those of us raised by a single female parent. Without a strong male figure in our lives, we grew up not knowing how we were supposed to define ourselves as men, and ultimately ended up adopting a large portion of the personality traits of our mothers. The fact that we even seek, or sought, the cherish in the first place is a sign of our lack of masculine polarity. A true man does not need to wrap himself in a fog of oxytocin to feel happy, instead deriving his sense of self-worth from being a positive, driven, dominant figure that commands respect. Whilst we can all aspire to become such individuals – and indeed to all appearances “make it” – can we ever truly escape the hopes and desires which were drummed into us for the first 18 years of our lives?


9 thoughts on “Say Farewell to The Cherish

  1. I think almost every guy goes into ‘that one’ relationship thinking how perfect it is, becoming sacrafical etc, and either 1 of 2 thigns happen:
    1: Girl gets tired of guy and leaves
    2: Girl doesnt really like him anymore, but needs the resources

    Thus, guy 1 might recycle, or take the pill.
    Guy 2 is the unhappily married horde.

  2. I think this is formative experience that often changes male lives for the better. I went through mine ten years ago. She ran rings around me and I reacted in every way I shouldn’t. What’s most striking is that I came to see it as a power struggle, which I ultimately lost. I found this real-life education and learning from mistakes more powerful than anything else. That said, had I had the benefit of a manosphere then, I would have done a lot differently.

    Tyler Durden strikes me as someone who has made a living out of rebranding and repacking ideas which aren’t new – simply being HOH in love as you said – loved up, cuntstruck, one-itis, etc, all of which lead to pedestalising the object of your amours, leading to anti-game and behaviour which is consciously or subconsciously repellent to her. Roosh sums it up brilliantly here
    Yes, it’s obvious but surprising how we need to be reminded of it, especially when that all-too-rare woman comes along who stirs your soul.

    It’s hard to grow older and be more experienced and better with women without adopting some of the cynicism which is a natural by-product of realising how to deal with them. Your ability to attract the object of your desires is greatly increased, but you enjoy the success in a different way. You’ll never again get those swimming-in-dopamine-and-serotonin type highs, but you avoid those awful lows too, which are largely generated by a sense of emasculation as well as ‘heartbreak’ IMO.

    I do think once you’ve been through that and learned from it, it’s possible to love in a healthier way – to enjoy and value someone without feeling you’d fall apart if they left, or fearing losing them. You must recognise shit tests when they come, have strong boundaries, and be willing to walk away and not look back if those boundaries are crossed.

    As you mentioned in this post if you have a solid core, masculine identity and sense of self (and indeed self-worth) then you’re not going to throw the relationship out of balance by giving her all the power, when she should actually be seeing you as the strong and dominant one, because that’s the natural and optimum sexual dynamic.

    • Good comment. How many of us would even be here now if we hadn’t hit rock bottom through such an experience?

      I briefly had a requited cherish. A girl who I had been stringing along for some time, who was hot and fun, and not exactly stupid but not the sharpest tool if you get me (unfortunately not really bright enough for me to properly connect with), went travelling with her friend for 4 months. Suddenly shorn of my mental safety net, my psyche somewhat crumbled in on itself, which I mistook for a realisation that I was madly in love with her.

      Rapidly reversing months of (unintentional) disinterested alpha behaviour (I was not very game aware back then), I beta’d down, proclaiming my devotion, and almost losing her in the process. She was so far under my spell at this time however that she remained faithful, and I flew out to Australia to see her for 10 days from the UK during the middle of her trip.

      What followed was honestly the most blissfully happy period of my life. I had obtained the cherish. It was also terrifying – I was completely out of control of my emotions, and in constant fear of losing the relationship.

      When she returned to the UK a couple of months later, things were great again at first, but I soon realised I had totally romanticised a notion of her in my own mind, and she wasn’t who I thought she was – the relationship fell apart.

      Even if it is ever obtainable, the cherish is not a healthy place to be. Despite being euphoric, your entire sense of logic is thrown out of the window, and you live in perpetual fear of a breakup. Sticking within a more stable range of highs and low, is as you say far preferable.

  3. They simply don’t want to accept that they can’t just one day “let their guard down” and fully “be themselves” in the relationship. Well newsflash guys – unless “yourself” is naturally a sexy, bad-boy alpha stud, then you’re out of luck.

    I remember a fantastic quote, probably from either Carlos Xuma or David de Angelo, along the lines of:

    As a man, you’re allowed to ‘be yourself’ and to stop being confident and alpha, when it’s okay with you that the girl in the relationship stops caring about her looks, puts on weight, and treats you like shit.

  4. Bravo, I know exactly what you mean and in a way it is sad that the cherish must be abandoned because it released so many warm and fuzzies in our brains. Fairytale come true type shit. BUt we must realise as men we aren’t slaves to the spikes of dopemine we get when a girl validates us.

    • Yeah exactly. I think the biggest single turning point in my game was when I managed to unhitch my self-worth from the attentions of, or my success with women.

      It was all that had mattered to me since such an early age, since I was so bad in my youth. It took being able to attain a good standard of girl relatively easily to “prove” to myself it wasn’t an issue any more.

      Now though, I’ve never been happier, and I can take or leave women – and consequently, pick them up a hell of a lot easier!

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