These last few weeks since knocking the booze on the head have been a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of my moods. At times, I’m bouncing off the walls, bantering every soul that crosses my path, high on life. And at other times, I am a curmudgeonly cynical miserable old bastard, jaded with the world and all its perceived flaws. Me and booze went way back, probably half of my entire life I’ve been getting wasted.
I need some form of periodical release from my own head, a press of the mental reset button. As a natural introvert, there’s usually some form of inner monologue going on in my head most of the time, and despite believing it impossible, I do actually get sick of the sound of my own voice eventually.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I used to use alcohol as an “off switch” on my brain, so that for at least one night every few weeks I could just go out and act like a misogynistic reprobate, without giving a single shit as to the consequences. Now that I’ve removed that option, I feel at times like I’m railing against my own brain. On balance however, I’ve got to say that not being depressed for 3 days out of every week is a definite improvement in my overall quality of life!
Fortunately, there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. My “experiment” substance is arriving this week, something that should let me experience all of the disinhibitory (that’s a word right? the spell checker is questioning me) and euphoric effects of alcohol, with none of the hangover. If all goes well, I shall report back in a few days with a writeup of the effects. If no more posts appear, then I’m probably vegetablising slowly in a coma somewhere (jokes, the substance is safe).