Rudderlessness

Ok, I invented that word, but it’s an accurate description of how I’ve been feeling over the past week.

If there’s one thing that this trip has taught me, it is that I need a purpose at all times, or I go up the wall. I’m fine chilling out for a day or two, but any longer than that, and I just turn in on myself and feel abject ennui, like I’m wasting my life. A far cry from the person who watched 7 years blur past in his 20s in a haze of weed smoking, a 6-year LTR that should have ended after 6 months, and World of fucking Warcraft (that’s just me adding an expletive for emphasis – it’s not some new version with adult content. Come to think of it, can you imagine the money that would make, allowing spotty horny teenage nerds to act out their deepest fantasies of hot Orc-on-Elf action).

I’ve just brought my flight back to the UK forward by 5 days. For many of you sat in offices in freezing cold temperatures, you might think I deserve to be confined to an asylum for abandoning 35 degree tropical weather, white sands, and azure seas any sooner than I had to. But the truth of the matter is this – there is nothing to do here except lie on the beach, get drunk, eat too much, and try and socialise with backpackers. Which is pretty much the case for the majority of the backpacking circuit.

This is where I am - picturesque, no?

This is where I am – picturesque, no?

This time last year, I was midway through my own backpacking experience. The novelty of it all, the excitement of discussing with other travellers which places I’d been to, where I was going, absorbing the validation of making new friends. The only problem is this time, I’ve already been there and done all that, whilst the people I’m meeting are still midway through their journeys.

Nothing against them personally, but if one more person asks me where I’ve been, or where I am going, I’m going to strangle them with their own matted dreadlocks. I appreciate it’s a very easy conversational opener, but if you can’t move beyond it after 30 seconds, the interaction is dead in the water. And guess what, Mr Tie-Dye t-shirt – no I don’t want to go and “hang” whilst you jam on your ukulele, I’d rather smash it over your head.

If you’ve never been travelling solo before – do it. It’s one of the most awesome things you’ll ever do. You’ll meet cool people, and grow immensely as a person. If you’ve already arrived at a place of some inner acceptance of your self, and you’re a motivated, driven, successful individual who enjoys conversing on a diverse range of intellectual topics – perhaps give it a miss. You’re better off waiting to see the amazing sights of the world until you’ve got someone meaningful to go and do it with. Seeing a wonder of the world with a bunch of annoying people you’ve only met 2 hours prior can be a little hollow. There’s something to be said for doing something solely for yourself, but there’s a lot more to be said for experiencing it with someone with whom you can reminisce in 5 years’ time in my opinion.

I’m also at a point in my life where I can no longer pursue a notch for the sake of it, especially with the removal of alcohol from the equation. I used to sleep with girls that I wasn’t particularly attracted to, just for the ego validation, which I no longer need. If I’m not actually being mentally stimulated by conversation with a girl – forget it, I’d rather just go jack it, and then that way I can at least pretend that the girl I’m watching get torn in half is a deep and interesting person.

So when there’s little or no conversation to be had, very few worthwhile notches to pursue due to 99% of the other people being travellers, and no progress being made on personal development – time to come home. Having just taken 2 weeks off over xmas, it was foolish in hindsight to book another trip so soon afterwards.

Fortunately, yesterday I met a Dutch guy who was a pilot, and his air hostess wife, both in their mid 30s. I hung with them all day, and had the most interesting conversations I’ve had since leaving England. We covered a huge array of topics, jumping tangentially from one thread to another, and it was like somebody had flipped the “on” switch on my brain again, after it being the victim of repeated attempts to turn it into mush over the past week.

I went on a mini-trek with the pilot to the other side of the island, and on the return journey, he started venturing forth some decidedly seminal red-pill opinions – a potential convert right there. I promised to introduce him to the manosphere, but I’m not currently sure which would be the best starting point, as it can all be a bit overwhelming at first (and he won’t really be interested in the dating advice, being married – he’s relatively natural alpha too, so I don’t think he’s going to have relationship problems, although it is always wise to learn as much as possible).

This, combined with my decision to come home early, has given me my focus back, and I feel driven, motivated, and back to my old self again.

Is there such a thing as a “Manosphere 101” or “Primer”, where someone had cobbled together a collection of links representing a good starting point to the most influential blogs and some good content from therein?

(edit: actually, doesn’t matter – I just Googled “manosphere introduction”, as my lazy ass should have done in the first place, and found some good stuff from Capn Cap and Roosh)

Cheers

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