Don’t Burn Your Bridges

In the immediate aftermath of some little princess behaviour, or an extremely disrespectful last minute flake from one your plates, it is extremely tempting to unload both barrels of masculine wrath full force upon their pathetic quivering forms, describing in no uncertain terms exactly what you think of them, their behaviour, and the questionable sexual preferences of their parents.

Hark however! Before you send that message – step away from the device. Go and do something peaceful for 30 minutes, like arranging flowers. Chances are, by the time you come back to it, you will have calmed down considerably, and the electronic missive of thermonuclear wrath you were about to send may no longer seem such a good idea.

And indeed! It should not – for doth not the ancient parable teach us: “Stayeth thy rage and burneth not the bridge of vaginal transcendence – for doth not the flakey plate of today become the potential 2am booty call of tomorrow?”

Do your penis a favour, and get a punch bag.

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4 thoughts on “Don’t Burn Your Bridges

  1. Interesting, as this is something Brad and I have been discussing lately. I’m fully prepared to cut them off, delete them off FB etc if they flake twice. Brads philosophy is different, asking what you gain from doing so.

    • As guys with clearly defined boundaries of how we expect to be treated, I think the instinctive response can be to either give the girl a piece of your mind, or as you say, just delete her out of your life. With some effort however, I’ve now changed my approach to just bite my tongue, not deleting anything, and use my normal flake response – complete radio silence.

      One such girl has actually turned out to be pretty cool after I got back in touch with her speculatively about a month down the line (turned out she had some valid reasons for being flakey, even if her communication was shit), whilst I’ve dropped 2am messages to one or two others and hooked up late night booty calls. If I’d have turned my wrath on them or deleted them, there would have been zero chance of either event ever happening.

      I guess it comes down to what is more important to you – your penis or your pride?

  2. I’m with Vin di Carlo and Julian Foxx (No Flakes DVDs) on last-minute flakes: do your best to figure out whether the flake is legitimate.

    * Is it a decent-sounding excuse?
    * Does she seem genuinely unhappy not to see you or emphasize that she really was looking forward?
    * Does she make a strong effort to set up an alternative day/time?
    * When/if you demur from immediately setting up another day/time, does she seem sad or redouble her efforts?

    If these answers points to “yes”, then be sweet and assume the commanding but sensitive “alpha provider role”.

    If the flake happens a second time, then you need to go direct on her and talk to her by voice telephone call. “That’s not acceptable. I treat my friends with respect and I expect the same from them.” If she asks for another rescheduling, respond “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll figure something out some other time.” And just let her stew in it.

    If she’s actually interested, she’ll be calling and texting to set it up.

    • Agreed, the manner of the flake indicates a lot about how invested the girl was in the first place, and sometimes there are genuine reasons.

      I completely ignore flaking messages now, not a single response for at least 24 hours – girls who were genuinely sorry to cancel the meeting will send repeated messages, expressing their apologies, and you can (after a day or so), respond and set something back up again. Girls who were only partially invested will still usually send multiple messages if you don’t respond, helping you regain the upper hand (one such girl even started sending me naked pics to try and win back my validation). Of course, there are some girls who won’t even send a second message in response to your silence – they were obviously a completely waste of time, and at least they are now filtered.

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