Dealing With Achievement (Or Lack Thereof)

(I realised as I was typing this up that I’ve posted on a similar topic to this in the past, but I thought I’d take some time to try and explore the concept a little more)

Over the last 5 years of my life, particularly during the last 12 months, I’ve changed a lot. I’ve noticed that this change tends to proceed in phases – for a period usually averaging about 6 weeks, my confidence grows, my success with women increases and I become more socially dominant, reinforced in a positive feedback loop by reference experiences. Positivity bubbles out of my every pore, and I genuinely feel like I am radiating value to the world.

Inevitably however, some random event will knock me out of this cycle, such as losing out on a hot girl that I was sure I had in the bag, or a set of events that are totally beyond my control. What follows is something of a plateau, the duration of which tends to be much longer than the preceding period of growth.

How we approach each of these different phases is vital to maximising the time we can spend growing as individuals.

When you find yourself in a period of rapid change, your goal should be to maximise the duration of this to gain as much from it as possible before it inevitably falters. It’s easy sometimes to become complacent when you suddenly find yourself going through a purple patch with ladies, and cease doing the very things which caused you to get there in the first place. Whenever you decide to stop and smell the flowers (as enjoyable as it is to revel in your own awesomeness) you are applying the brakes to your own development. Each phase of growth can be extended to its maximal length by making sure you retain the discipline to keep taking positive action – keep going to the gym, keep forcing yourself to interact with strangers, to approach girls, to work on your personal projects, keep studying game, even if you feel like you don’t need do – in fact, especially if you feel that you don’t need to.

Of course, it is unfortunately impossible to be flying forwards in all areas of your life at all times. Before long, despite your best efforts, your progress will slow and grind to a halt, and a plateau will be reached which will last much longer than the preceding period of development.

These plateaus really used to get me down. I wanted to feel that I was progressing continuously, seeing rapid improvement in all areas of my life on a daily basis – it would almost feel that I was going backwards by comparison if I couldn’t perceptibly detect growth each and every week. I would become grumpy and disheartened, retreating into myself for a while, until such time as I was ready to put it behind me and try and move on with my life.

If there’s anything experience has taught me though, it’s this – despite how easy it is to be positive and upbeat when everything is going well in your life, it’s how you deal with adversity that really defines your character. You never really find out who you are until the shit hits the fan. Equally as important as how you approach your periods of growth, if not more so, are how you mentally frame and deal with whatever event put you on a downer, and the plateau that inevitably follows.

More than anything, this is the time when it is most important to retain your discipline and ensure that you carry on taking the action that you know will continue to progress you as a person, even if it’s the last thing you feel that you want to do, and you stop seeing any tangible benefits in the short term.

Rather than seeing these plateaus as a negative phenomenon, it is important to view them for what they are – periods of consolidation, where the identity level change that has been blessing you over the preceding weeks is actually now taking root as part of your personality. Habits that you initially had to make a conscious effort to adopt are becoming learned behaviours, and seeping into the core of your being, and the event that initially caused you such anguish quickly fades into the past.

Deal with your plateaus in the correct manner and you’ll ensure that your next phase of growth will be just around the corner.

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4 thoughts on “Dealing With Achievement (Or Lack Thereof)

  1. I really liked this post; and I can relate.

    I started on my adventures in PUA with David DeAngelo in the early 2000′s. Before than I was in the body of an alpha; with the operating system of a pussified beta male. I had no clue.

    I was a AA level athlete, high IQ ( I learned later why this made it so difficult to relate with women and conversely so easy to get a would be stalker away), and I had measurable success in most of my goals.

    The problem was, I feel, I was largely raised in public school; coupling this with my sense of nobility at the time I was a lock for terrible and worthless women.

    To make very long story short; I used DD’s newsletters alone to overcome my game issues; and I have had ridiculous success since then. I did however plateau from time to time; and I learned something really invaluable that helped me: I plain just don’t give a fuck!

    Before they tore down the Irish Rose in Honolulu, when II was stationed there; I met this reasonably attractive girl (like a 7, maybe); and I just wanted to dance. I wanted nothing else.

    This bitch gave me the kind of diss that crushes the spirit of most men in her verbal put down of me ( I vaguely remember it, it is not important); and then walked to the bathroom. However, before she left out of ear shot; I just started laughing. Literally, out loud.

    While she left confused that her diss from on high failed; she saw me “conversing” with her friends. Followed immediately by me dancing with, and picking up the numbers of several women more attractive than her before I left to the next bar.

    Conveniently, she kept trying to get my attention later. She never stood a chance. Her friends kept heckling her to go talk to me; and she was as embarrassed as she could be.

    Basically, when you just don’t give a fuck; you are your own universe; and others are just visiting. You don’t care what they do, you are a universe; and they are leaving. If they fail to notice who you are, and what you are capable of; you don’t give a fuck.

    DD had a great word for this and I used it on her and her friends; NEXT!

    PS: Thanks for the linkage; returning the favor! Basically because I like your writing. You have flair, good luck to you.

    • This ended up in the spam folder for some reason, I only just noticed it.

      Cheers for the comment. Not giving a fuck is the single most liberating mindset anyone can adopt. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt shame or embarrassment – although there have been many times I probably should have done!

      And the concept of “next” is a good one – there’s always another girl right round the corner.

  2. Yes, we all have highs and lows as a human. The real matter is to deal with them accordingly. I read a quote somewhere that said something along the lines of people being able to be most positive during times of gain, but the true test is during times of fallow.

    Some other time I suppose.

    Solid post.

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