I’ve Never Used a Condom


Yeah yeah, I know, pretty stupid. Basically, I’m somewhat well endowed in the girth department shall we say, and attempting to get one on is similar to how I imagine it would be trying to put a wedding ring on a marrow. And yes, I’ve tried the large ones. They’re hardly any better.

And on the odd occasion that I have managed (at great pain) to force one on, having the extra layer of rubber over what is already a pretty desensitised area due to circumcision, means that I might as well just go and bash it against the wall for ten minutes to receive a similar amount of pleasure.

My notch count? No idea. Somewhere around 50 if I had to try and guess. I go through bouts where I will add 10 in the space of a few months, and then only 1 for the next half a year.

However, this flagrant disregard for precautionary intercourse has led me to two conclusions:

  • having never picked up anything more serious than a mild case of thrush, the level of risk of getting an STI is massively over-exaggerated. Either that, or I’m statistically the luckiest man alive – in which case, where is my lottery win dammit.
  • having as yet (knowingly) sired no love children, the amount of supposedly crazy women who can’t wait to get ensemeninated by some hot stud is also greatly over-exaggerated. Admittedly, I’ve not slept with many women in their 30s or over, but all of the girls I know in their 20s are typical of the kind of girl talked about on the manosphere – career orientated, like to sleep around, and with no wish to get tied down with kids of their own

So there you go. I’m not especially proud of myself for embarking on this course of action, nor would I recommend it to anyone else, but personally, I’m going to continue not wrapping it up with gleeful abandon. And then when I simultaneously contract HIV and get 7 consecutive court summons for child maintenance payments, you can all say “Told you so”.

6 thoughts on “I’ve Never Used a Condom

    • Yes, I do ask first (or more often halfway through the deed). Although them saying “no” doesn’t really prevent it happening – it just means that I have to take them to the pharmacy in the morning, and make sure I actually see them take the morning after pill with my own eyes. I do at least offer to pay for it though – who says chivalry is dead.

      There have been a couple of less than ideal situations however when all the local pharmacies have been shut, and I’ve had to rely on their word that they’ll go themselves. Bit nervous for a few days after those ones…

  1. I hate condoms, even the Trojan Ultra Thin. I’ve been reckless many years, as recently as New Year’s night with a slut … but I always pull out.

    • I like to think that the type of girl I generally sleep with (more up-market) wouldn’t have anything… but then of course I know that’s no guarantee.

      And the occasional uber-slut always slips under the radar and somehow ends up in my bed from time to time… There was a girl who I found at the bus stop opposite my apartment at 4am, who I was fucking less than 20 minutes later – classy girl!

  2. Ha, this reminds me of Roosh’s funny post on which girls you should be concerned about busting a nut inside:


    By the way, if you’ve got a big schlong but hate the feel of regular (latex) condoms, have you tried large-size polyurethane condoms? You should think about LifeStyles Skyn Large size. They’re Magnum-big but they feel a lot better than latex (you can feel body heat and lubrication and her chunnel).

    Incidentally, are you getting tested semi-regularly for everything? A whole lotta girls without symptoms could also put you at risk for HP-V or even the herps, so think twice about trying out condoms. It’s super-easy to try out from online stores.

    • I did try some special large ones that one of my friends proudly proffered me since he had the “same” problem – they didn’t really fit that well either (bruising his ego in the process, if his crestfallen countenance was anything to go by when I told him).

      I’ll look into trying out those ones you mentioned, I didn’t know you could try out from online stores. I do tend to get pangs of “Oh shit, I hope I’ve not caught anything” for about 2 hours after I’ve kicked the girl out of the house – they fade quickly though!

      Been tested loads of times, never had anything. Although I am overdue – it’s been about 6 or 7 girls since my last one.

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