Another Year Older

…another year wiser?

I recently celebrated my 31st birthday with a great party and great friends. So much has changed in this last year, I find myself looking back 365 days to almost a completely different person. This time last year, I was stumbling paralytically around the streets of Bangkok, fending off lady boys (except the really hot ones), getting arrested, and marvelling at one-armed midgets dancing on tables. Inside I still was riddled with self-doubt and limiting beliefs.

I believe that trip was the catalyst for all the positive changes that have come about in the past year. I’d been coasting along during my 20s, seemingly content with achieving a mere fraction of my potential in all walks of life – my body, my career, women. Yet a constant gnawing inside was always present, the underlying knowledge that I was wasting my best years, failing to be everything I could be. I knew I was destined for better, yet lacked the confidence and masculine drive to make it happen.

Following the breakdown of my last LTR, I’d decided to go travelling. Initially, it was going to be with the ex, but that went out of the window and it ended up being alone. It was tough at first, and it took me a while to get over her (especially due to an ill-judged visit from her in Thailand halfway through), but striking out on my own and finally realising that nearly everyone I met actually liked me for who I was of immeasurable benefit.

I’ve had more success with women, and life goals in general since I turned 30 than probably in the previous 10 years combined. Moving to London has also driven me on in ways I never even imagined – I have learned that I thrive on competition when I am out of my comfort zone, and there are few places more competitive than the rat race of the City in London. Nearly everyone who moves here does so because they believe they are something special, and that creates a certain atmosphere.

If I could offer anyone any advice in life, it is this: push yourself out of your comfort zone. Do it often, and do it wholeheartedly. Take that trip around the world on your own. Move to that big city on your own. Lie on your CV to get a role out of your skill level, and then fly by the seat of your pants and learn it on the job. It is only by pushing yourself as far as possible that you grow as a person. The bigger the push, the bigger the change. You will amaze yourself at what you become capable of, and the person you become as a result of having to deal constantly with unfamiliar and challenging situations.

Soon, the inner chode that has followed you around all your life, offering a snide, undermining commentary on your life, fades to a whisper, only rearing its ugly head in moments of depression or weakness, eventually dwindling completely, someone else’s memory of a forgotten time.

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