You’re not cool. You’re not different or special. You just look like a twat.

I’m sat here on the tube on the way to work, having my eyes vigorously raped by the sickening visage of a girl opposite who is dressed in scruffy, undone white trainers, jeans that look like she stole them from a tramp, a lumberjack shirt (because nothing shouts “femine” like chopping down trees with an axe, right?), and a shapeless coat that may have at one time belonged to a manatee. And she looks like she weighs more than me.

But none of that matters my friend, because you see, she is wearing hipster glasses. She is edgy, different, refuses to be constrained by the bounds of society. A special snowflake. I imagine she is surprised that she is not currently having to physically hold back a queue of suitors, who line up to learn more about her fascinating personality and views on life. Certainly she must believe she deserves such attention, from the smug, condescending supercilious expression on her face.

Sorry love, you’re just a badly-dressed, fat lump of shit wearing some twatty glasses. It’s a good job I don’t eat breakfast, or you may have received it on your feet.

Vive la feminism.

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3 thoughts on “You’re not cool. You’re not different or special. You just look like a twat.

  1. Days of Broken Arrows

    I assume you’re in the UK with your use of the word “tube.” Here in the states, this style of glasses is a warning to me to immediately not deal with a woman. Pretentiousness and attention-whoring do not foretell good things to come personality-wise…

    • You assume correctly. I live in a part of London that is particularly rife with hipsters – my local clothes shop is called “Beyond Retro” by way of an example.

      It does make you feel pretty alpha striding down the street mind you, when all the other dudes are floppy-haired, fashion-bespectacled, skinny-jean-wearning boy-men…

  2. I hate those sort of glasses…. ironically, mostly on hot girls, because it momentarily misrepresents them as possessing a modicum of intelligence.

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