Do not tease hot girl on online dating. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200.

I’ve been acquiring the vast majority of my current plates through online dating in recent times, particularly in the last 3 or 4 weeks. I dabbled with it before, but owing to a combination of bad game/bad photos/bad profile, I wasn’t doing particularly well.

Since then, my game has tightened up considerably, to the point where I am getting on average 50 or so winks/messages a week, and even 1 or 2 girls at an 8 out of 10 or better responding to my messages, or even contacting me first.

However, time and again I seem to be failing to convert these girls into actual dates due to my inability to control my cocky mouth. Some of the hottest girls I’ve spoken to have been some of the most contemptible excuses for human beings I’ve ever had the misfortune to interact with, which hasn’t helped. The ego on these girls is simply something to behold, it would most likely dwarf Jupiter if placed alongside for purposes of comparison.

Stringing together an articulate and well-constructed sentence, with appropriate punctuation, grammar, and perhaps even the odd frivolous jocularity has always been a strength of mine. I’m quick witted, and never miss an opportunity to tease somebody if they leave themselves open for it, but always in a good natured manner. However, a lot of girls, especially the hotter ones, do not take this well.

I have noticed an alarming inverse correlation between the hotness of women on online dating websites, and their responsiveness to teasing. Face to face, I have no doubt it would be an excellent DHV and go down a treat, but I’m presuming due to the inability to use tonality, facial expression or body language, it does not come over as well online. Even the most innocuous of statements can result in a princess-like outburst that the most spoiled little shit on “My Super Sweet 16” would be proud of.

This relationship can be demonstrated by simple inverse logarithmic relation thusly. The x-axis represents the girls rating out of 10. You will note the graph starts at 5, since if any of you are messaging a girl uglier than this you need a slap.

I struggled to even award some of these girls a 1/10 for humour, but the fact they didn’t call the police because I had the affontery to send them an electronic missive grants them at least that much.

I recently received a wink from a relatively attractive girl at 1:30am (about 8/10). I replied the following day with “Hey, so what were you doing up so late on a school night” and received the response “School night? Sarcastic twat”. I kid you not. Had she been in front of me at the precise second I read it and my blood temperature rose about 20 degrees, I probably would have spat straight into her smug face. I fail to even see what is sarcastic about any part of my message.

In closing, I need to learn to temper the amount of humour in my messages depending on my target audience. I’ve lost too many solid 8’s over the last few weeks, and I need to tighten my closing out game to turn them into dates – it’s wasteful. I liken the period between initial contact to getting the number like walking a tightrope – the hotter the girl, the narrower the line, and one false step and you’re done. She’ll just go back to one of the other 43784738 men that are winking and messaging at her.

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