It’s come to my attention recently that part of my personality is still guarding a squishy beta core of loserness.
I, and millions of other men like me, have been thoroughly socially conditioned during our lives that to exhibit any kind of sexual aggression towards women is “creepy”. Despite since having my eyes opened to the contrary, de-programming myself of this is proving to be a lengthy process.
Every time I try to sexualise an interaction, every time I say “let’s head back to mine” after 2 drinks, every time I invite a girl over to “watch a movie” as a first date, part of me still cringes internally at my supposedly “creepy” behaviour.
But I’m coming to love this cringe. Every time I get it, it means I’ve pushed my behaviour beyond what my conditioning tells me is acceptable. And 90% of the time, I get away with it. I let the feeling of the cringe wash over me, welcoming the awkward embrace of its beta arms. And when it subsides, I know that whatever action caused the cringe, won’t do the next time I do it.