The Paths We Take

I feel in a contemplative mood this evening. I don’t know if anyone even reads this any more, except for the weird Google referrals I still get. That’s of no consequence, I wrote this blog for my own purposes, and the traffic was incidental, although appreciated.

Looking back over the years I wrote this blog, I was full of angst. Desperate to prove myself, to myself. I’d had a relatively miserable existence (first world problems) up until my early 30s, and the writing of the blog coincided with a period of rapid development in my life, learning to actually like myself. Everything was new, surges of confidence, doing things for the first time, meeting a great girl (who has long since fallen by the wayside).

Such periods of growth in life are heady, exhilarating, yet ultimately unsustainable in the longer term. Once you start approaching a high level in the things you care about, growth becomes in the nature of diminishing returns. After a little while, you get used to feeling “fixed”. You realise it’s been months, or even years since you actually even paid attention and noticed all the women checking you out, that once upon a time a single instance of which would have buoyed you for days. You walk into a room of strangers, bantering and joking with them all, flirting with girls, and it’s gone out of your mind in the next instant. It’s fun at the time, but ultimately means little in the scheme of life, where once it was your dream.

I suppose this is what it is to be “well-adjusted”, as they say. Just confident and content in who you are.

This is where the real grind kicks in. The low hanging fruit has long since been attained, and all that is left is to focus on the real, long-term, big goals, the ones that you have to grind away at, one day at a time, which you may not reach for another half decade. It’s easy to almost slip into a sense of mild ennui at these times, without that heady rush of constant progress, pushing new levels. But then you take stock, and remind yourself of where you came from, where you are now, and that back then you were experiencing crushing lows just as often as the highs. Stability has a lot to be said for. I know which is preferable.

And it’s not even like the progress stops, you just aren’t really aware of it as something which defines your existence any more. You start looking for some kind of broader meaning to things. I even started dabbling with spirituality, seeking higher planes of consciousness, but I don’t think I’m quite there yet. Few more “material pursuit” goals to tick yet.

All this rambling is to say – fret not. Keep doing the good things, and you’ll get to where you wanted, and beyond. Except it may not quite feel like you thought it would when you get there. By necessity, to achieve the really difficult things, we need to care less about them. Outcome dependence ruins all. And yet by detaching in this way, we don’t enjoy it as much as once we would. One of life’s little tricks.

And you may well find the nagging feelings of discontent that propelled you into all of it, remain. That’s when it really gets interesting, as you realise it wasn’t your external condition the whole time, but rather something you carry with you. And confronting and fixing that is a much bigger, harder journey than anything you’ve done to date. You’re fine as you are, good even – but still it nags at you in the quiet hours…

Be well.


TRT Information – Update

As I’ve sat down to go through the subject material I need to cover, I’ve realised it’s simply far too much information to put into a blog post.

To that end, I’m going to begin work compiling it into a short eBook, which I’ll make available to download free of charge, or with an optional donation if you think the information is worthwhile.

This will take a little while, so stay tuned for updates.

TRT -Megapost Incoming

Although I post very infrequently these days, I still receive regular comments on my TRT posts, and a number of reader emails asking for advice.

For all of those who have emailed me, and I’ve been somewhat lax in replying – my apologies.

I’ve realised that there is still a big demand for accurate, detailed knowledge on TRT, and I’ve accumulated a fair bit of wisdom on the subject over the years. To that end, I’m planning on putting together a “megapost”, with the sum total of my knowledge on the area – whether you need it, how to try to get it through your GP, the different types of treatment available, things to be aware of, long-term health implications, and a bunch of other stuff.

There’s a ton of subject material to get through, so please bear with me whilst I find the time to put it all together. Hopefully by the time I’ve finished, it’ll be a single go-to reference point for anything you need to know.


The Next Step


As any of you who have read my blog are aware, I’m a firm proponent of self-improvement. Giving yourself concrete reasons to feel good about yourself, develop a sense of self-worth, become a genuinely high-value confident man.

The reason I began this journey, as I’m sure is the case for many others, was to be able to attain a higher quality of woman, and perhaps in more simple terms, to just feel good about myself, to actually like myself.

Self-improvement is a holistic process, being composed of multiple disciplines. Lifting weights, controlling your diet, improving your style and overall aesthetic, mastering control of your mind and emotions, becoming more socially aware and charismatic, learning about human psychology, and the pursuit of financial independence. Certainly, there are a lot of areas to focus on, more than enough to keep you occupied for several years until you begin to approach a high level in most of them.

As with anything though, there will be an initial period of rapid gains, and then as you get closer to mastery, improvements start to fall under the law of diminishing returns – twice as much effort for only half as much progress.

The initial surges of confidence and elation as you pass each significant milestone in multiple areas, gradually reduce over time, until you have internalised your new position at all levels of your being, and what was once cause for glowing pride, just becomes the new normal.

Whilst we may never consider ourselves the finished article, and new domains always exist to conquer, at least in those areas which have the most immediate impact on our lives, a certain plateau is reached.

Although you still feel good, it’s now your new baseline, and the sensation of breaking new higher highs on a regular basis doesn’t come about very often. Eventually you arrive at a position of – what now? Where do I go from here?

Something which has only really become apparent to me since largely putting my own demons to rest, is what is truly important in life – namely friends, family and relationships. After all, what is all this relentless drive for self-improvement for in the long run, if it means a solitary existence, devoid of any real emotional connection with your fellow human beings?

For me now, the answer to the question of “what next?” is simple – settle down, find a wife, have a family of my own, invest in my existing friendships and relationships with my family members that perhaps have been neglected. Show the people in your life who matter that they really do matter to you. Don’t take them for granted.

The allure of chasing new women has long since passed. I value an emotional connection far more now than the fleeting ego-gratification I would receive from securing a new “notch”.

The process which led to this point however, was entirely necessary. I would never have come to these realisations, and been ready and able to move on with my life as a healthy, well-adjusted adult, had I not put in such hard work into improving myself, creating a feeling of genuine self-worth within myself and finally freeing my focus to be able to move on to other matters.

There aren’t many of us these days who aren’t carrying some sort of emotional baggage from our childhood. Even in more general terms, modern society denies men a traditional masculine role. For me, my father walking out on our family in my early teenage years and then never wanting anything to do with me again, denied me a sense of self-worth, which I have been chasing ever since

Trading put the final pieces of the puzzle together. It was the hardest thing I ever attempted, and it broke me down in ways I was not prepared for. I’ve never been so thoroughly humbled by anything before. I have now however got on top of the whole process, am accumulating money daily, and know it’s just a matter of a little patience before I am extremely wealthy. I thought I would want to go on a celebratory rampage around the world, but this idea holds no appeal.

Succeeding at the hardest thing I ever put myself to finally gave me the last piece of self-worth I needed to move on with my life, whilst at the same time knocking a lot of the extraneous arrogance out of me that I had been using as a defence mechanism to hide my insecurities. I’m still shockingly arrogant by most people’s standards of course, and always will be, but it’s now at about 100%, instead of 150%.

Having at last attained the self-worth I wanted, it is almost as if the world has suddenly come into focus, and my priorities have shifted. What really matters in life is suddenly standing out in sharp relief, and I see that previously what had consumed me was merely superficial pursuits in search of my own worth. Necessary at the time, but not something to be held on to.

Remember, this whole process is a journey, and journeys have an end. When we complete one, we must begin another. Too many see this journey of pursuing women and ultimately self-worth as a destination in and of itself, and then wonder years down the line when they think they’ve achieved everything they wanted, why they still feel empty inside.

Go forth, fix yourself, become the man you were meant to be, find a good woman, have a family, and make and invest in strong, fulfilling relationships with your friends and family. Therein will you find lasting peace and happiness.

Can you Stay the Course?

When anyone starts learning a new discipline,be it learning to pick up women, training at the gym, dieting, trading, they usually have highly unrealistic expectations of how it’s going to go.

When beginning from a position of being a total novice, initial improvements over the baseline are massive. This creates the false impression that the entire journey is going to be one smooth, linear progression from “shit” to “awesome”, as shown in my highly professional image below.


How you think it’s going to go

In the history of anyone learning anything, in the entire world, I am pretty confident in saying not a single person has ever mastered a discipline in one smooth, straight-line trajectory.

What if I told you it was actually going to take 10 times longer than you thought? That the graph actually looks more like this?


How it’s really going to go

Still keen on trying to master that new discipline? Have you got the mental fortitude to stick with it, through the seemingly endless cycles of progression and regression?

Most have not. After the initial surge of progress stagnates, and even begins to regress back close to the starting point, 95% will give up. After convincing themselves they were godlike in a very short space of time, they then suffer the corresponding crash down to feeling worthless. Remember, high highs invariably lead to low lows.

Even if you stick it out past the first progress/regress cycle, will you keep going past the 2nd? 3rd? How many times can you handle thinking “Surely this time, I’ve made it, I’m just going to keep going now to the finish line”, only to then find yourself almost back where you were 3 months prior?

You can make it easier on yourself, by trying to rein yourself in when you start making a surge of progress, and by keeping a sense of perspective when you are on a downturn. In truth though, the ability to do this only comes after experiencing multiple cycles of progress/regress, and understanding it’s simply part of the process.

The willingness to persevere in the face of such an emotional roller coaster is what separates winners from losers in life. Have you got what it takes to stay the course, and reach the pinnacle of excellence?


My Rules for living in the Kali Yuga

The Kali Yuga is the last of the 4 ages in the cycle of history from Hinduism. It is also known as the “age of vices”.

From Wikipedia – Hindus believe that human civilization degenerates spiritually during the Kali Yuga, which is referred to as the Dark Age because in it people are as far away as possible from God.

As we witness the decline of Western civilisation around us, there seems little doubt we are living in such a time.

I’m reblogging here a list of simple advice for living in the Kali Yuga from one of the blogs I follow.

At any time in history, this advice for living as a man is pertinent, and in the present time even more so.

Mea Culpa – Of Sorts

Having emerged some time ago out of the other side of my personal journey from frustrated blue-piller to comparatively fulfilled, balanced individual, it is interesting to be able to observe others going through the same process.

I think it takes a certain type of individual to be attracted to writing a blog in the first place. It’s inherently egotistical and narcissistic, to put your opinions and viewpoint up on public display. If you were merely interested in chronicling your own journey, you’d do so in a personal diary which would never see the light of day. (The other reason people blog is to make money and in which case they need to create and maintain a brand, but this has never been of interest to me).

As it is, we humans are hard-wired to feel good when we receive positive social feedback. High numbers of views on a post, comments telling you that you are right, all goes towards a feeling of satisfaction, and a reinforcement of your own ego. You’ve only got to look at the viral success of social media networks to realise the scope and power of this phenomenon.

It’s perhaps only natural to go through a phase of “believing your own hype”, and hyperbolically expounding upon the magnitude of your own perceived virtues at great length. Eventually, some time later, the dust settles, and one is able to look back with some measure of mild embarrassment on the whole thing. That is assuming the individual develops sufficient character to do so – many bloggers it seems never transition out of this phase at all, and remain on a perpetual ego trip for year after year, whilst the rest of us look on and cringe.

I don’t regret the style in which I wrote. It came naturally to me at the time, but was almost certainly an over-correction in the opposite direction from having had my confidence repressed for so many years. Eventually, the pendulum, having swung to both extremes, found the mid point, and settled there. I’ve only read a little Confucius, but this is one of the central tenets of his thought – with all things in life, there is a balance point to be found, “The Doctrine of the Mean”.

However, looking back at some of my writing, it is with a certain pang of embarrassment at the sheer level of self-aggrandisement. When you first learn a little, you think you know it all. The more you learn, the more you realise you don’t actually know much at all, and you should have kept your mouth shut in the first place.

It doesn’t really help that it takes so little to out-perform the competition in this day and age. Get yourself in even halfway decent shape, and some semblance of being able to dress yourself, and you’re head and shoulder above 90% of other men out there. However, in reality, there is little pride to be had in winning sports day at a school for the disabled (to re-use a pun I made on Twitter earlier). When you have broken into the top 0.1% in a chosen discipline – perhaps then it is reasonable to allow yourself a little muted pride. Any more than this, before you have earned the right to be entitled to it, is merely going to cause those higher up the ladder than you to look down on you with amused pity.

I’m never going to stop being egotistical, it’s just in my nature. As I’ve got older though I’ve realised, the louder a man shouts about how amazing and confident he is, the more likely it’s not true and he’s merely doing it to convince himself. If you’re truly happy and confident, you simply don’t feel the need to go around telling everyone how amazing you are all the time. It should be self-evident, and if it’s not – well, it’s probably not there.

A Choice

Roosh has always been an interesting character. One of the founding fathers of what became the Manosphere, he helped bring traditional ideas about masculinity and the nature of women back into the light of the modern internet era. A keen practitioner of game – namely aping the traits of confident, naturally attractive men – he enjoys some measure of success with women of a certain quality.

Seemingly somewhat lacking in natural charisma however, he reduces seduction to an almost robot-like series of steps of logical progression, and then appears confused why he finds no fulfilment from the process. A master at the art of appearing to be a naturally confident attractive man, without having quite made the final push into actually making himself into one, on all levels.

I was recently encouraged by his summation of all things Red Pill under the umbrella term Neomasculinity. His post introducing the concept and its central tenets was excellent, and any man would do well to study and understand it.

At the same time, he carries with him a heart full of bitterness, which is evident in much of his other writing. He is angry at the world, at women, and appears to feel he has been cheated out of his birthright of a pleasant, feminine, submissive wife and means to start a family.

His latest article on RoK has taken a turn to the dark side, basically reducing into a “what’s the point of it all” lament. The acerbic vitriol in the comments actually took me aback somewhat. Roosh is a leader for many disillusioned men in this time, and is in a position to influence them. When he writes positive, uplifting pieces like Neomasculinity, it inspires men to try and better themselves. When he writes pieces full of bitterness, loathing and futility, it encourages men to entertain the base side of their nature and whine and complain about their plight, instead of embracing what should be a typical masculine reaction to hardship – namely to redouble your efforts to overcome it.

It cannot be denied, civilisation is well and truly on the decline. Celebration of degeneracy abounds, men are becoming feminine, women masculine. If you are anything like me, your internet content bubble is tailored specifically to deliver tales of the latest affront to human decency into your life at every opportunity.

We, as men of the modern era, are faced with a choice.

We can embrace the decline – watch it burn, give in to the baser aspects of our nature, “bang some sluts”, fail to start a family, and live a hedonistic live of selfish individual pursuits. On many levels, a life of total selfishness is appealing – the most seductive lures always appeal to our most base desires.

We have another choice however. We can witness the depravity around us, and use this as a catalyst to spur us on to embrace the old traditional values even more firmly, to throw ourselves into becoming men of honour and virtue, aspiring to lead by example, remaining immovable pillars whilst all around us begins to crumble.

Although it is a comforting ego-justification to convince oneself that there are utterly no women of any worth remaining in the West in the modern era, it’s simply not true. They’re just harder to find. One must look further afield, travel to parts of the country where more conservative values still hold sway in the main part – you are extremely unlikely to find a woman of worth and virtue in the middle of a sprawling liberal metropolis for instance. Perhaps you must even need to go to a different country.

One must also tirelessly work on oneself, to become a man of depth of character, of financial strength, of physical and intellectual development – primarily for the benefit of ourselves, but also to ensure we are the most attractive proposition available to be able to attract and keep a woman of worth when we find one.

As you sit here, reading this, understand you are the end point of a series of your ancestors stretching back thousands of years into the past. Every single one of them made the decision to live an unselfish life, to give up their personal time and freedom, and start a family, so that their children might carry on the line. If you decide now, at this time, to give up on it all, decide that you simply “know” there are no quality women left in the world – then know that your lineage ends here with you. You are responsible for breaking the chain, because you did not have the strength to fight to continue it.

Undeniably, Western society will collapse. At this point, it’s just a case of whether it is sooner rather than later. Does this mean that suddenly everyone will vanish in a puff of smoke? Of course not. From the wreckage, a remnant will remain of those people who kept to the traditional ways, who did not give in to their urges of selfishness, and it will be up to this remnant to begin the rebuilding process.

Human life has inherent value. Civilisation has inherent value. These are things that it is worth fighting to preserve and protect. If you do not think this, then perhaps indeed you are within your right to ask yourself – what I am even here for?

Western Women Are Not Entitled

Contentious title? Perhaps so, but bear with me whilst I explain my reasoning.

When those in the Manosphere accuse Western women of being entitled, what do they mean? Essentially, they are accusing them of acting in a manner unbefitting their “true” level of value.

Very average looking women, who don’t dress well or look after their physiques, go around acting as if they were twice as attractive as they really are – diva-like behaviour, rudeness, flakiness, unwilling to accept responsibility for their actions, wanting privileged treatment, and so on.

Who then is the arbiter of this evaluation of someone’s true value, and therefore able to decide whether someone is acting above their station? Is value an absolute concept? Or is it subjective, according to the culture and society in which an individual resides?

If I believe my value is high, but no-one else does – are they all wrong? Or am I deluded?

Perhaps it doesn’t matter what you think your value “should” be – value is only relevant if other people around you believe you possess it.

Having made this deduction, it’s then clear to see that an average looking woman’s value in Western culture is exactly what she thinks it is. Men kiss her ass, tell her that she’s amazing, supplicate. The more above-average she is in her looks, the more she will encounter this behaviour. She can post up a profile on an online dating site, and receive 100s of emails every day, from thirsty men just desperate to get laid by any girl who isn’t completely physically repulsive.

Their behaviour then is not entitled in the least – it is exactly befitting the level of status which society is conferring upon them.

As men, we adhere more to the concept of “absolute” value – that is, regardless of culture or society, a person’s value should be viewed objectively based upon their physical attributes and accomplishments. Anyone acting above their station in this regard, in an entitled manner, is called out, and brought down to size. Women however, being inherently more social creatures, less rational and more emotive, do not operate on this model.

In an ideal world, the objective model is how things “should” operate, but we are being naive if we expect society and culture to play by the rules under which we think it should operate.

Value as an objective concept exists. One can most definitely make a concrete assessment of a woman’s beauty, or a man’s accomplishments, and critically evaluate their value. However, this is not the predominant model of value at work around us. In our current fem-centric society, the prevailing model is one of subjective value – namely that your value is precisely that which others deem it to be.

Understand this, and you understand that “entitled” women are merely doing what any other human being would do in the same situation, and acting in a manner according to their apparent status.

Human beings evolved in a social hierarchy, and we have built-in psychological mechanisms that grant us permission to act in a certain way when we believe our social status warrants it. Consider the confidence boost you feel when you are in good shape, or dressed well, or have a lot of money in the bank. We give ourselves permission to act in a more socially dominant manner, reinforced by feedback from those around us who confirm our elevated status by their behaviour towards us.

Much of this “privileged” behaviour is ugly, yes, but then human nature is ugly, and many men in positions of high status are no less ugly in their behaviour.

Since the model of subjective value is the one that is in force, the only way to change it, and impose the “true” objective model in its place, is to get through to the masses of modern men and tell them to stop pedestalising women, and encourage them to develop their masculinity and rely on concrete measures of value instead.

This, of course, is easier said than done, but I remain ever hopeful.

You Do It To Yourself

  • “I never have any good luck”
  • “Good opportunities always pass me by”
  • “Things never work out for me”
  • “I never get the girls I want”
  • “I always get treated badly by others”

Any of these sound familiar? These beliefs, and many others like them, are held by an overwhelmingly large number of people.

A single bad initial experience can create a tainted view of the world in people’s minds. They then fall prey to cognitive dissonance. Everything that happens to them from then onwards is viewed through the lens of their preconceived notion of how things are “supposed” to go. 100 things could happen to them, 99 of them disproving their belief, only 1 supporting it, and the 99 conflicting events will simply be ignored, and the sole event supporting their hypothesis will be latched on to as “proof” of their views.

What people fail to realise is that is it precisely this attachment to their negative viewpoint that increases the likelihood of it coming to pass. As a result of what they believe, they inadvertently behave in such a manner that they bring about that which they most fear. A self-fulling prophecy. Then, when the undesired outcome comes to pass, they will take it as validation that they were “right all along”.

Consider the man who is convinced that he can’t get the quality of woman he desires. “She’s out of my league”, “I’m not good looking enough or rich enough”. Even if he plucks up the courage to approach, by radiating doubt he self-rejects before the interaction has even had a chance to get off the ground. Then along comes another guy, objectively no better than the first, but with a healthy sense of entitlement and self-belief, who succeeds. (incidentally this relates back to my opinion that value-building is the single best thing you can do to help in this regard – you don’t need to be delusional, you can give yourself numerous concrete reasons to believe in your own worth).

Perhaps the man who is convinced that he always gets passed over for promotion opportunities. He exudes negativity and self-doubt, deprecating himself at every opportunity. He doesn’t take chances, because he fears it will backfire. Time for promotions rolls around, and the boss has a choice between the negative, hard-working but play-it-safe drone, or a positive go-getting creative employee who isn’t afraid to push boundaries and try out new ideas. Who does he pick?

It works the other way too. People with delusionally positive outlooks on life will find a way to frame everything that happens, no matter how apparently disastrous, in a positive light. Got sacked? Great, now I can really focus in on that new career path, or use the time to start up my own business. Got dumped? A blessing in disguise – if she couldn’t see how great I really was, then she didn’t deserve me anyway, and I’ll find someone who does.

Exactly the same events can happen to two different people, and one will turn it into an advantage, whilst the other will use it as confirmation to keep holding on to their self-limiting mindset.

Even if you’ve had a bad run of experiences in life, it’s never too late to change the way you frame reality. It’s a choice that only you can make.