Unsuitable Idols

The recent “Mark Minter getting married” saga (about which I could not give less of a shit even if you paid me, but unfortunately has been rammed down my throat on pretty much every blog I read), has led me to some speculation on the nature of the role models and idols which impressionable men in this part of the internet look up to.

Many are disappointed in Mark Minter, for abandoning his principles of bitter misogyny, and deciding to get hitched to a woman some 20+ years his junior. And not just any woman – a *gasp* single mum, worst of all. Heresy! Traitor! How could this faceless man who spit such acerbic bile in so many comment threads abandon us in such a way… Yeah, right.

It seems to me a lot of this wailing and gnashing of teeth stems from the fact that bitterness, in much the same way as misery, enjoys company. A lot of men, themselves perhaps deeply emotionally hurt by women in the past, have lost their spiteful cheerleader. Able for some time now to gather round the virtual campfire, and console one another with tales of the evils of women and marriage, to share in their mutual ire, they have now been robbed of one of the pillars of their community.

You see it is easy to be bitter and angry, to hold on to it like a familiar, comfortable blanket. Being bitter and angry means never actually having to face up to the emotional hurt that’s burning away inside you, to come to terms with it, and to risk eventually coming to the realisation that the problem lied with you the whole time, and not with the entire female species. The fact that one who was so vehement in his stance can change his ways fills these men with fear – fear that they too may have to abandon their armour of anger, and confront the personal demons which they have been running away from for so long.

In one reaction to this, we have a highly prominent member of the PUA community suggesting that we set him up as an idol instead. He has oh-so-graciously offered to give guys his “seal of approval” to men wishing to be taking seriously as people to be looked up to, if they but prove their prowess with women to him. Idolising any one man is always foolish, and in this case particularly so – substituting one completely unsuitable idol for another.

For men to hold another man up, such as he, as something to be aspired to is something I find deeply regretful. To idolise someone like that is to idolise a lifestyle of spending most of your spare time trawling up and down the streets, having the same empty conversations with woman after woman until you find one who likes you enough to be willing to sleep with you. And to then pursue an endless series hollow sexual encounters with a chain of faceless women, making no kind of emotional connection with any one of them.

There are a few men who are cut out for such a life, who are cold-hearted enough to remain unaffected by their choice. And to those men, I wish all the best, and respect their abilities to bed such a large number of women from a purely technical point of view. I will wager however for 99% of the men who found themselves in this part of the internet, they came here through wishing to come to terms with some form of unhappiness in their lives – unhappiness with themselves – and to those, I can promise that idolising and aspiring to the lifestyle of those men who have foregone the basic, essential human necessity of emotionally bonding with members of the opposite sex, will lead them only to further unhappiness down the line.

And ultimately what is it all for? Who cares how many women you have slept with, or can sleep with, other than a bunch of lonely, socially maladjusted men? Learning acceptance of who you are, and to truly love yourself will give you far greater happiness in life than some magic “n” count. And I also wager you will find when you truly come to terms with the person you are, and genuinely like yourself, you’ll not only no longer feel the need to throw an endless series of women at the hole in your self-esteem, you’ll also find yourself surrounded by the wealth of options with women to which you always aspired.

Who instead then should you idolise? No-one. My line of thinking runs as follows: No one man is better than I. There are people who have skills that I may wish to acquire, but they are no different of better than I. If they can do something, I can do it.

If you must idolise something, then idolise the process of perpetual self-improvement and adherence to your own values and principles instead, and therein find a much more healthy mode of existence.

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18 thoughts on “Unsuitable Idols

  1. A refreshingly healthy perspective.To be human is to sometimes change one’s perspective with time and the wisdom gained by experience. Perhaps some younger and more impressionable MoS readers might now know better than to idolise any one person – it’s only a sea of ideas, after all. As you say, take what suits you from it for yourself. Slavishly adhering to someone else’s ‘code’, as if there was nothing there before but a hollow void bereft of any original thoughts, is never going to work out well.

  2. The last bit reminds of a bit that Joe Rogan has where he says something like:
    “When I was kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up because I thought when I became an adult, everything would finally make sense.
    Then I grew up and realised that nobody really has a clue how to live and we’re all just trying to work it out as we go along. Ask anyone and they’ll say, ‘Yeah, I know what I’m doing, sure.’ but in reality no one actually has a better idea of why we’re here than anyone else. Don’t go giving some mystical guru too much respect for pretending he understands better than you do, work it out for yourself.”

    (This is massively paraphrasing the actual bit, just in case you look it up. It’s this clip here. )

    “You know as much about life as anybody that has ever lived”

  3. I believe I’ve learned my moral of the story to life.

    Nobody cares about my feelings and they care about my words only a little more than that. I’m starting to include myself into that group. The only thing everyone cares about is what you do in this world.

    Actions should be the drive everyday….words and feelings will keep you going when you have weak moments.

  4. Slight correction: Minter is not a faceless man. He links to his Facebook in his name and through that are pictures of him and if you dig around a bit his fiancé.

    Anyways I agree with the bulk of your post.

  5. The best articulated statement of outrage was Roosh’s – he was disappointed because he expected someone else (Minter) to live consistently with his (Roosh’s) rules. I think he knows better but got swept up.

    Part of reaching the next level is to accept that you can only set the rules for yourself – others may follow them but not when their own rules clash.

  6. The problem with idolizing anyone is that you have no clue what’s going on behind the scenes, as was the case here. People generally have a facade that they let the world see & then they are different in private. When you see what’s behind the curtain, your idol usually comes tumbling down off of the pedestal.

    It’s like when you see the Rolox & the expensive car & think, “Wow, they are wealthy”, you don’t see the mountains of debt they have acquired.

  7. I’ve never had one concrete figure to look up to and aspire to be like; it’s more of an amalgamation of history’s greatest men and their best qualities. Everyone has their flaws – idolize them and you’re either missing what makes them human or mimicking their own worst mistakes. Just look at Arnold!

    I don’t understand why everyone’s so heated over the whole Mark Minter ordeal. He turned around and went against what he so vehemently discouraged – so what? He’s no longer a man of his word, and that’s on him. Now he’s catering to some other man’s spawn.

    He’ll fade out of the Manosphere and everyone’ll move on.

    As an aside, I feel like Roosh is losing the plot a little bit; I thought he was better than getting so invested in something that’s arguably insignificant.

      • “I thought he was better than getting so invested in something that’s arguably insignificant.”

        He makes getting laid all the time and traveling the world seem significant. In the grand scheme of things…it isn’t.

      • Quite so. And if you see the standard of most of the women he gets laid by, it’s definitely not.

        He’ll have an “epiphany” one day no doubt, much as he did when be realised that he was happier when he had some friends instead of being on his own all the time.

  8. I’ve followed this Minter affair a bit but I didn’t catch the name of the PUA who made that offer about his seal of approval. Who was it? Among so many talented guys it’s hard for me to imagine whose ego would soar to such heights.

    Joking aside, I don’t see what the big deal is. I don’t know Minter so I won’t judge him, but I don’t why everybody is attacking him. It’s not like he broke some oath – he ranted against marriage because he was butthurt and now he met a woman he likes and decided to settle down with her. Weak? Maybe. (not because of marriage itself but because of marrying a single mom with child, in my opinion). Going back on his so-called principles? In a way, yes, so not very manly. But is he to be demonized? Why? Because he made a decision that goes against the mainstream manosphere teachings (don’t get married, ever!). I laugh at that with mirth. It just shows how many stupid people are there in the manosphere. Minter is just a regular guy who made a decision; who can tell in advance if it’s going to be a good one or not?

    And more importantly, why do so many people care? It’s like they don’t have lives of their ow- oh, yeah…

    Btw, awesome blog, I’ll check it regularly from now on.

    • Hello pal. Yes, what you’ve written pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole affair. You’d have thought he’d conned everyone out of millions of pounds from the way everyone is banging on about it.

      I didn’t mention the name of the dude who made the offer of his “seal of approval” since I don’t really want to be seen as publicly and openly participating in petty mud slinging – although that said I’ve probably already said enough to identify who I was talking about. I left a comment on his blog pretty much along the same lines as your sentiment. If you can’t find who it was, drop me an email and I’ll let you know.

  9. Gold right here: “If you must idolise something, then idolise the process of perpetual self-improvement and adherence to your own values and principles instead,”

  10. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/08/07 | Free Northerner

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