Why I Deactivated My Twitter Account

Social Media Overload

Not as handsome as me, but you get the idea

When I first joined Twitter, I used it as something of a micro blog. I would tweet thoughts and ideas as they occurred to me as a result of conversations I was having with people, or situations that arose as I went about my day to day life. I was a net producer of value, usually just opening the app, posting my tweet, and then closing it again.

However, since quitting my job and having a lot more “spare” time during the day where I’m just sat around in front of the PC (there’s only so long you can spend at the gym), ostensibly studying charts and trading strategies, I found that I had less and less to contribute, and had fallen into a habit of scouring through pages of the tweets of others, looking for something I could comment on. I had gone from a net producer of value to a net consumer. I was reacting to the thoughts and ideas of others instead of giving my own.

Over time, I developed a habit to reflexively check twitter every 10 minutes. Without even realising, at any given point I would snatch my phone from my pocket and refresh the list of tweets before my conscious mind even knew what I was doing. It became a massive distraction, and was having a deleterious effect on my concentration and overall state of mind.

For this reason, I deactivated my account so that I could “unpollute” my mind and focus back in on the task at hand. Since I’ve done so, I’ve found my general mood much more positive, and the creative juices have started flowing once more. Initially, I still kept pulling my phone out of my pocket on reflex to check my tweets, before I realised there was nothing to check. The frequency of this has now almost decreased to zero, as I have de-trained my brain from the habit. Ironically (or more like as a direct consequence), I’ve thought of about 100 things to tweet in the last few days, none of which I’ve been able to.

I’ll probably log back into my account before the 30 day period after which it becomes deleted permanently, and unfollow most of the people I was following, since I still like the idea of using it as a sounding board for my thoughts which aren’t worth writing full blog posts about. I’ve made some good friends in the manosphere, and it’s really nothing personal, but I have other means to keep in touch with those people.

Try to make an objective assessment whether your social media interactions are actually a net positive on your life, or a hindrance to your creativity.

Ambition

Money

You want this?

What are your ultimate goals from life?

It’s easy to reflexively say “A Ferrai, a mansion, millions of pounds” – but do you really mean that? What are you willing to put yourself through to get there? What hardships will you endure? How many setbacks are you willing to pick yourself up from? Do you really believe you can do it, deep down in your core? Are you prepared to risk total failure?

The higher you aim, the more likely you are to miss, and have to face up to the fact that you simply weren’t good enough. No more pretty lies. Can you do that? Can you still try again in the face of crushing despair? Or will you just reach a level of competency, somewhat above average, and just stay there, unwilling to risk what is needed? We go in far in life as we believe we deserve, and that we feel we are capable of.

Personally, I’ve always had ambition to achieve the greatest things, true top 0.01% success. But I never actually did anything about it, consoling myself with “Well, I could do it if I want.” School came easy, I was top of the class without ever having to apply myself. I coasted through my 20s, wasting years on video games and weed. Living in the comparatively impoverished north of England, I easily outranked all of my peers in earning power. And then I turned 30, moved to London, and realised I was in fact a worm.

A Worm

Me

I was surrounded by rich and successful people, who actually had what I’d always assumed I’d get – and yet despite working my way up to a highly paid job, I was still in reality nowhere closer to achieving.

All the ambition in the world won’t get you anywhere without the burning drive to make it happen, and the willingness to risk your ego – that part of yourself that tells you what a fucking awesome man you are simply because you’re just above average. You need to cultivate a healthy sense of entitlement. You need to believe that you deserve ultimate success as your birthright. Anything short of total fulfilment of your loftiest goals will then literally disgust you, and seem a burning failure.

As I’ve learned over the last couple of years – it’s not for most. Most people prefer not to push themselves too far, in case they find out they’re not actually capable of getting there. Ego preservation. There isn’t enough room at the top for everyone, and if you ultimately fail, you can no longer rationalise it away to yourself, saying  “I could have if I wanted to.” You tried, and you failed. Who wants to risk that? Not many.

You will have to endure hardship. How much can you put yourself through to realise your aims? Let’s put it like this. I’ve recently moved back home with the folks to save cash. I voluntarily walked out of a job that paid me $250,000/year in London because it wasn’t good enough. To put that in perspective, I could have been a millionaire in 5 years whilst still having $50k a year to spend. And that’s not even as far up the career ladder as I could have gone in my profession. I could have doubled that salary within a year or two. I’ve taken myself from living in one of the premier capitals in the world, eating at Michelin starred restaurants, living in a $3,000,000 apartment – to sitting on my own in a tiny pisspot village in the north of England, no social life to speak of, no money coming in, living on a budget, all in order so that I can learn to become a successful trader. Why? Because I can earn tens of millions through trading, the kind of money that it would have taken me decades to amass, all whilst living completely on my own terms as a man, and not having to work underneath some dickhead and kiss corporate ass. My ambition is such that without a second thought, I walked out of what 99% could never even dream of achieving. Short term pain for long term gain.

Hardship

This is somewhat dramatic. But you get the point.

How many people in this part of the internet have ever earned that much money? And of those, how many do you think would be willing to just walk out of it? Or would instead they just sit around stroking their ego boners, like they do with everything else, covering their insecurities? “I’m so alpha, check out my money faggots”.

I won’t be content with what everyone else has. I know I deserve better. So I have to take steps to get there that normal people aren’t willing to take. Remember - if you do what everyone does, you’ll get what everyone else has got – which is fuck all.

If you really want to do this, then don’t forget – failure is just a mindset. You actually can’t fail if you refuse to accept failure as a valid outcome. You either succeed, or you die trying. Do you want be the man who can look himself in the eye in the mirror and know he is trying everything he can to achieve his biggest dreams? Or do you want to be the man who looks at himself, shouts “you’re the man!” because he shagged a few 7s and earns above national average wage, ignoring the little voice inside his head telling him he’s lying to himself? You decide. But don’t come and try to pretend to me that you’re living the life you really want to if you pick the latter option. I can see straight through your hollow “masculine language” and proclamations of “alphaness” in a nanosecond.

I’ve come to realise over the past year or so of blogging that even amongst this part of the internet, 95% of people don’t actually want to genuinely achieve real success. They’re content with just being able to pick up a few women, get a couple of muscles, and tell themselves how great they are, because they don’t want to risk their fragile little egos by failing. I’ve explained almost every detail of what is required to have a successful mindset in various posts, in order to actually achieve true success in life, and every time I write, I can just hear the whooshing noise as it goes over nearly everyone’s heads.

To those of you who appreciate what I write – thank you, and I hope it helps you in some way. I’ll see you in Monaco on the superyacht.

Superyacht

In case you didn’t know what one looked like

To the rest of you – enjoy your life of “a bit better than most”, and I hope when you get to the end of it, you don’t look back and realise you pussied out of going after what you really wanted, because you were afraid to fail.

So where does this leave me now? Time to put up or shut up. I can walk back into a job in London within a week any time I choose. But I’m not going to do that. Earning more than most of the population is utter failure to me. Learning to trade is a process that usually takes years. It attracts the brightest and most ambitious minds in the world, and 5% of the market takes the other 95%’s money – it’s an uphill battle, and I’m aiming to turn it around inside of 6 months. The one circumstance under which I would be prepared to work again is when I am consistently making profit from trading, and I simply need to raise capital to accelerate the process. But even then I probably wouldn’t- I have several wealthy friends who are willing to invest in me.

I’m also deactivating my Twitter account, as it’s becoming an unwelcome distraction. Those friends I have made have other ways to get in touch, and I can always be reached on email here. It’s like bad soap opera these days, and I simply can’t take anything from it any more. You have to surround yourself with like-minded people to get to where you want to go, and I can’t find many where I’m looking currently. MattC hit the nail on the head with his post Power and Status last year.

I’ll still continue to blog now and again, detailing more elements of what is takes to get to where you want to go in life for those who are interested. Discipline. Mastery of the mind. Destroying insecurity. How to tackle a goal piece by piece.

Ciao for now.

Ego – Your Worst Enemy, Your Best Friend

Ego - Pretty Lies

Ego – Pretty Lies

What is ego?

Depending on your level of cognitive awareness, you may or may not be aware that the being that you consider to be “you” is actually comprised of two ethereal parts. There is the “self” – the core being that represents the essence of who you are, that is driven by the subconscious, and operates on instinct – and the ego, which is your mind’s concept of who you are, shaped by your experiences.

The simplest way to define ego is: the lens through which your “self” views the world. Reality is delivered through the filter of your ego, weighed up accordingly against your existing belief system. Via this mechanism, the version of events which you perceive is not necessarily the actual reality of the situation.

Zen practitioners seek to ultimately completely eliminate the ego, so that they can exist in a state of “presence“, or oneness with the world. Without the encumbrance of an ego, they feel ultimately connected to everything and everyone around them. A similar feeling can be experienced when taking hallucinogenic drugs, which cause temporary death of ego. People who have had such experiences report a feeling of profound connection with themselves and the world, it frequently having lasting beneficial effects.

Realistically, this isn’t a practical way to live your life, unless you want to be high 24/7, or spend large portions of your time in anatomically unfeasible positions with your eyes shut, making “Ohmmmm” noises. Most of us have shit to get on with, which would be made somewhat difficult.

Why Does it Exist?

The ego exists as a self-preservation evolutionary mechanism. If most of us were fully aware of the harsh light of reality all the time – the fact we were ugly, had no friends, were poor, and were shit with women – we’d be so depressed we’d probably just sit in a dark room self-harming. Obviously, this isn’t particularly conducive to passing on your genetic material. Instead, the world and our view of our position within it is cushioned by our ego, which quickly works to rebuild a favourable view of ourselves when bad things happen to us.

The concept of “rose tinted memories” can be explained when considering it in the context of our ego.

Why Can It Be Bad?

Since your ego exists to preserve your positive view of yourself, it will stop you from taking risks, or pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, in case the action goes badly wrong, leaving you humiliated, embarrassed, or socially ostracised.

It can easily be seen that this is the last thing we want when considering approaching a hot girl we’d like to hook up with, or quitting our jobs to pursue self-employment for instance.

Your ego will tell you pretty lies to make yourself feel better. “Don’t worry about not approaching that girl, you didn’t really like her anyway. And you know of course, if you did, you could have pulled her if you wanted to.” Face saved, ego preserved, reality avoided. “You didn’t really want to go for that high paid job anyway, you’re comfortable where you are, all your friends are here.” Face saved, ego preserved, reality avoided.

As you can see, an ego based on lies is a massive hindrance to getting where you want to in life. This is where probably 99% of the population exists most of the time. Think back to all your friends from the past, who vowed they would become a millionaire and fuck models, and are now working a shit dead-end job married to a fat, harping fishwife. They tell you they are happy? Do you think that their “self” speaking, or their ego?

The thing is, underneath it all, the “self” knows. You may be able to lie to others some of the time, but you can never lie to yourself. Why, in the quiet moments, do you feel a gnawing void in your soul? Because you are living a lie.

How Can We Make It Work For Us?

Wouldn’t it then be better if we could make our ego work in our favour, instead of against us? How can this be accomplished?

The first step, and the hardest – the step which most people simply cannot take, or take properly – is the most important. We must destroy our ego.

How can we do this? Simple, brutal, honest reality. You must stop lying to yourself. You must look yourself in the eye in the mirror, drop the bullshit, and just let loose on yourself. No, you don’t look “ok as you are” – you are out of shape, you’ve got shit hair and you’re badly dressed. No, you’re not “ok with women” – you’re awful, the only way you can talk to a girl is blind drunk, and you only sleep with ugly fat girls – or even no-one at all. No, you’re not “doing ok in your job” – you work a shit job, for low money, surrounded by braindead morons.

This might seem harsh – and it is. To strip away all of our layers of protection in this manner is to leave ourselves vulnerable the depressed, vulnerable state that is the very reason our ego exists in the first place. It’s not easy, and many people simply lack the intellectual honesty to do this fully. They might start the process, but their mind reels away from admitting the full extent of their own shortcomings.

Why do we want to do this? It seems masochistic. The answer is simple. Only when you have stopped lying to yourself, and killed your ego, can you actually then start to work on all the things that are wrong with you. Why would you ever take steps to improve your appearance if you think you are “ok as you are” (when you are not). Why would you ever go and study up on social dynamics and attractive behaviours if you can’t admit that are shit with women? Why would you ever quit your job and push for a better paid one if you think you are “comfortable”?

Self-improvement begins when the lies stop.

After the destruction of the ego has been achieved, only then can the work of value building begin. At this point, we begin to introduce positive habits into our lives. We start working out and eating healthily. We take a style consultation and begin to dress better. We take up evening classes to gain that extra skill that we need to push for that better paid job. We read up on male-female attraction dynamics and study evolutionary psychology by reading a select few of the better manosphere blogs.

As the months go by, and you begin to move forward in your chosen disciplines, incrementally improving yourself, you can look back and demonstrably see the progress you have made, and that you are becoming a more high value, confident person. At this point, you will find your ego returning.

But isn’t that bad? On the contrary. This time around – instead of our ego shielding our “self” with a web of pretty lies – having destroyed it and begun work on the rebuilding process, it is now based on fact. “I think I look pretty good” – because you do actually look good as the result of the months of work you’ve put into working out and rebuilding your warbrobe. “I’m ok with girls” – because you can think back to the last five girls you fucked, all above a 7 out of 10. “I’m doing well in life” – because you got that promotion as a result of your study, and you now earn more than all your peers.

At this stage, in constrast to the past where our ego would hold us back from taking risks to preserve the our fragile self-esteem, it will push us forward. “Go and talk to that girl, you’re a cool guy with your shit together and she’ll like you.” it will say. “Quit your job and live on your own terms, you’re too good to sit in this office and be ordered around by a dickhead manager” it will rightly point out to you.

And even when you fail – which you still will – it will come to your defence, with genuine, unarguable facts “Well, you must just not have been her type. You know you’re a cool guy, you’ve brushed up on your game, you look the part, the next girl will surely like you, and you’ve got 3 dates lined up this week anyway.” “Well, the job didn’t work out this time, but you’ve got a lot of positive qualities, you’ll get a better one in no time.” Instead of preserving our self-esteem with a fragile scaffold of lies, our ego is now preserving our self-esteem with the a rock-solid foundation of cold, hard truth. We have built value into our lives, and it acts as a permanent platform for the rest of your life, for kicking on and realising your ambitions, unencumbered by “bad” ego.

Your ego – from being a concrete block around your ankle, holding you back – is now a bulletproof vest, based on reality, protecting you from people who would drag you down, and preventing you from moping around when things don’t go your way.

Are There Any Pitfalls To This Approach?

Yes. The main one is the reintroduction of “bad” ego after you’ve made a little progress in increasing your value. Thinking that you are the dogs bollocks because you’ve managed to improve yourself a little. The key is to remain humble, which being able to recognise your positive qualities. So not “I’m ripped and awesome, I’m the fucking man” – when in actual fact you’ve only been working out for 6 months, and you’re still comparatively scrawny – instead “I’ve made a good start, I can be pleased, but I’m not where I need to be yet, and I need to buckle down and carry on working hard.” Not “I’m a fucking lothario, I can fuck hot girls” when all you’ve done is turn over a few low social value 7′s. Instead “I’ve improved, I’m starting to be able to bring the kind of girls I like into my life, but I’ve still got a long way to go.”

I’ve seen so many guys fall into the trap of talking themselves out of any further self-improvement after achieving just a little. “I’m awesome now, I don’t need to put any more effort into this.” – they say, as they bumble along in their state of “slighly above mediocrity”, petrified once more to face up to the fact that they’re not actually living the lives they dreamed of when they were young.

If you really want to explore your potential, and see how far you can go in life, you must never ever consider yourself the finished article. This doesn’t mean be down on yourself all the time. On the contrary. It means recognise how far you have come, and give yourself credit, but also be honest enough to admit there is still a long way to go.

There is always a long way to go. It never ends.

In Pursuit Of Perfection

Perfection

My whole life I carried with me an obsession with never “settling” for anything. With every new girl I pulled, faults would be listed, ways in which she could be improved, things I didn’t like about her. Almost immediately, I started looking for the next best thing.

It was good in some ways. It drove me on to continually improve, to always try and be attaining “the next level”. But it was bad in so many other ways. Restlessness of mind. Permanent bachelorhood. I realised that the drive to pull hotter and hotter girls was ultimately a projection of my dissatisfaction with myself at a basic level. If only I could get with a 9.5 out of 10, then I would have proved to myself that I’m awesome… Yeah right. The only person who cared was myself. Perfectionism at its base level is a need to reassure yourself of your own worth. Don’t trust the advice of a man who has slept with over 50 women, and still makes it his entire raison d’être – he is not whole.

Like it or not, everyone has faults. Even I – as close to perfection as can be attained in a human being – have flaws. To be in a relationship with someone is to accept that person for not only their good points, but the bad ones too. If you are incapable of tolerating any kind of perceived imperfection, then you are simply not cut out to have an adult relationship at this point in your life. Guess what – the ideal you are looking for, of the perfect woman, with the perfect personality – it doesn’t exist. Or if it does, there are about 7 of them in the world, and they are married to men who have 5 super yachts.

As soon as you realise this ceaseless pursuit of the next best thing is ultimately self-destructive and futile, you’ll find yourself opening up to the possibility of having a great relationship with someone. I finally stopped chasing girls around relentlessly this year, having reached a place of fulfilment and self-acceptance, and as soon as I just decided to concentrate on other things, and take life as it comes rather than trying to force it, an amazing girl came into my life, who I was able to appreciate for all of her many, many positive qualities, and who being with has greatly enriched my life in myriad ways.

A friend of mine, a former wing man, the man responsible for getting me into game originally several years ago, laid into me last weekend over my current relationship when we were out at a bar for my ex-girlfriend’s leaving party (she’s going to Australia). He told me I was a “cop out”, because I’d stopped going out with him to relentlessly chase models around bars in Mayfair, and that I’d compromised myself, that I was just blind lucky that this girl had entered my life, and that I didn’t have the skills to be able to cold approach like him, and he would go on to be better and more happy than me. He sat alone, unwilling to talk to any of the people there because “what do they offer my life anyway”, a bitter look on his face. I looked around at my friends with whom I had only just been reminiscing warmly of past times, and contemplated the deep feeling of contentment and happiness in my heart borne out of being in a loving, healthy relationship, and saw my former self reflected in him. I have no desire to go back there.

I wrote this originally back in September but never got around to publishing it for some reason. Even though I’ve moved on a bit since this was written, the advice is still salient.

And indeed, I still don’t feel like I settled in any way, and I never will. The longer my relationship continues, the closer my girlfriend and I become, the more we trust one another, and the better things become. The whole perfectionism thing was just a barrier that I had to give myself an initial push to get past, and I’m glad I did.

In The Interests Of Transparency

My good friend Matt over at the 3 Bromigos recently put up a post, criticising many members of the manosphere for perhaps not being the kind of men that they appear to be – glorifying and sensationalising their achievements in life – whilst attaching far too much importance to the tenets of game, eschewing greater focus on personal improvement.

Judging from the responses, the post – as expected – was somewhat controversial. To criticise game, and those who teach it, is anathema for many in this part of the internet. Some comments, to my mind, missed the point of the post. Running along the lines of “So what if you don’t find value in it, just don’t read it”, these comments fail to address the salient issue.

Many men find themselves in this part of the internet, having been on the receiving end of infidelity from a cheating girlfriend, or having been crushed by their latest rejection from a girl they were trying to romance. Guys who have hit rock bottom, and turned to the internet in desperation for an answer to their problems.

I will contend that the vast, vast majority of men would be best served in life by simply working on self improvement, raising their self esteem, and finding a nice girlfriend, whom they know how to keep through their knowledge of social dynamics. That’s it. No more.

Do they need to get “50 notches”? Do they need to read a treatsie on the subtle differences of day game and night game? Do they need 27 different techniques to overcome LMR? Do they need to beat their emotions and soul into a quivering heap by suffering the indignity of 10,000 street rejections? Unequivocally, no, they do not.

Of course, no-one in the manosphere who writes about this stuff is directly forcing anyone to follow in their footsteps. But the lifestyle of the pick-up artist, trawling the streets and clubs day after day, bouncing from one shallow hookup to another with substandard women, is heavily glorified. And why wouldn’t it appeal to the kind of men who have never been able to even get one woman, let alone hundreds?

Every man has the right to make his own choice of the path he takes in life. But I really feel that the advice being given, the lifestyle being glorified, is highly detrimental to the pursuit of happiness for the vast majority of normal men. There is a tiny, tiny nucleus of men who are totally content leading such a mercenary lifestyle, and they are outliers. Emotional connection and companionship are basic human needs, and to deny them is to invite unhappiness, and set yourself back years on your journey towards fulfilment. What perhaps need only be a process that takes 12 months, becomes one of years, laced with bitterness towards women, and ultimate total objectification of them, resulting in the inability to find contentment from life.

And honestly – how many of these guys do you really believe are happy with the lifestyles they have chosen? You can almost see the cracks in the facade of their manic grins, as they boast about their latest conquest of a “hot girl” (who is actually a 6), all the while trying to convince themselves that if they keep shouting “I’m really happy!” loud enough, they might even start to believe it themselves, and subdue that gnawing chasm of loneliness in their souls that just won’t go away, no matter how many street approaches they do or how much game they learn…

Just look at Roosh’s recent “Anna” series. He rejected a relationship with a girl who by all accounts, and in his own words, was perfect for him, simply because he feared the deeper rejection that is risked when you fully open up to someone in a deeper commitment of a relationship. His ego can shrug off rejections from cold approach – “She doesn’t really know me, it was just the way I approached, she’d love me really if she got to know me” – but not so easily could it shrug off the crushing rejection of his true self, and so easier to just avoid it.

I promote self-improvement and healthy relationships with women who you are genuinely attracted to. There’s no such thing as “practising game” with women you are not really attracted to – all you are doing is damaging your self-esteem.

So in the interests of transparency, following Matt’s lead, and now that I’m finally free of the shackles of the corporate world, I’ve decided to show myself, so that you can know that I am who I say am, and I practise what I preach. Excuse the “selfie” style of the shot, but it was the best I had to hand without organising an impromptu photo shoot.

And should you think that somehow I’ve always looked like this, and life has been a walk in the part for me, here’s a photo of me from when I was 23. Self improvement works.

Although, still good with pussy

Merry Christmas.

Social Dynamics – or – Making A Good Impression

Someone recently asked me on Twitter if I could recommend any good resources on the subject of what I refer to as “social dynamics” – the knowledge and application of which behaviours convey what sort of information about you to other people, and what you can infer from reading things about them. This knowledge, once attained, allows you to quickly identify what your default behaviours are telling other people about what kind of person you are, and subsequently eliminate any which are unattractive.

Some examples might be helpful.

Unattractive behaviours

  • Breaking eye contact downwards, or being unable to hold eye contact whilst talking
  • Hunching your shoulders
  • Laughing too much at other peoples jokes
  • Speaking quietly, or stuttering
  • Constantly seeking the validation or approval of others

Attractive behaviours

  • Calm, unhurried manner
  • Strong, unflinching eye contact
  • Deep, measured tonality
  • Unreactiveness to the words and actions of others
  • Being able to comfortably hold a silence

It occurred to me that I can’t actually recommend one single, defining resource on this subject. My knowledge in the area is something I have pieced together through several years of reading blogs on the subjects of pickup and evolutionary psychology, and recently it has come from introspecting on my own assumed behaviours as I have grown in stature as a man.

I can’t give you a definitive list of every single attractive and unattractive behaviour. However, what I can give you is the mindset to hopefully steer you in the right direction. The key is to stop, and really think about what sort of impression you are conveying to other people with your default behaviours.

Are you constantly making jokes? Then ask yourself why? Do you need people to laugh to make you feel good? Do you suspect you are coming across as a clown?

Do you break eye contact all the time? Why? Do you not feel worthy of holding eye contact with whomever you are speaking to? Is your self-opinion too low? What then can you do to improve it? What don’t you like about yourself?

Being able to first identify what kind of unattractive behaviours you are exhibiting is the first stage in being able to eliminate them. It’s also the first step in become totally honest with yourself about who you are, where you are in life, and what your failings are – things which are all vitally important to be able to address if you really want to make progress in improving yourself.

The Natural

I’ve not blogged for some time. I really don’t feel like I’ve got much to say any more. I’m at a place of contentment. I’m happy with who I am, what I am doing, and where I am going with my life. I cannot even recall the last time I felt anything resembling a pang of social anxiety. I can’t recall the last time I went into a downward spiral of introspective self-analysis. I’m merely present in the moment, existing from second to second, acting on instinct.

As someone who has started from the bottom – from a place of unbearable anxiety when trying to approach women, a place of self-loathing, entrenched self-doubt and no self-esteem – and made his way to the place I am at now, I feel that I’m in a position to reflect on the whole process, and evaluate what helped me most, and what held me back from getting here sooner.

You may not be the same as me, and you may not agree. I’ve become pretty astute and a good judge of human character, and I’ve been able to positively influence the lives of my friends by encouraging them to take those actions which helped me most, and avoid those which did not, so I’m pretty sure I’m on the right track.

Perhaps I’ll start first with what I realise helped me the least over this period of my life. Game. I can’t stand it. The base tenet of the concept is in itself flawed – an adoption of fake behaviours in order to mimic the actions of those men to whom it comes naturally. What is the underlying assumption in that? That you are not good enough as you are and you need to pretend to be someone else.

I cannot stress enough what harm that mindset causes. Development of obsession of whether you used the correct “game”. Trying to improve your “game” in order to get hotter girls. Attributing your successes to your “game”. Developing a disconnect between your “self” and your “game”. Viewing social interactions and talking to women as some sort of fucked up role-playing game where you’ve got to take the correct action at the correct time in order to get the outcome you want. “Ah, she said sentence X, time to engage mastery Y”.

All men need to receive an education in “social dynamics” – the psychology of attraction, what behaviours you should be exhibiting, which ones you should not, how to be masculine. But that’s as far as it goes. The more time you spend on trying to learn to emulate the behaviours of alpha males, the less time you are spending actually BECOMING one. The whole point of this process should be to turn yourself into the type of man who you want to be – not spend months and years learning a stockpile of pretend behaviours that just mean you can merely act like one. You’ve not changed underneath. You’re still not happy. You still don’t like yourself.

So, then what did actually help me the most? If I had to pick two things over and above everything else, it would be going to the gym, and learning self-acceptance. In terms of the gym, I don’t just mean lifting a few weights for a couple of months, losing a couple of % body fat, adding 10kg to your bench, and then strutting around proudly even though you still look shit. I mean getting RIPPED. Getting massively stronger and more lean than 99.99% of the rest of the male population. Getting down to <10% body fat. Having a full six-pack. Seeing the striations on your shoulders. Do you have any idea what it can do to your confidence walking down the street, feeling your obliques tensing and rubbing on your belt, feeling your abs ripple and clench with every step, knowing that if you whipped your shirt off right there every single person in the room would do a double take? The confidence and social dominance that comes from knowing that you could manhandle almost every single person you come across in the street if you need to?

You OWE it to yourself as a man to get into that fucking gym, 5 times a week, sort your diet out, and just get ripped. There is no single other thing that will do more for your confidence in my opinion. And once you’re in great shape, Sort out your style. Take an online consultation if you need to. Again, do you have any idea what it will do for your self-esteem to have over 50% of all women you walk past check you out because of all the hard work you put in?

In terms of self-acceptance, I just mean stop giving yourself such a fucking hard time about your perceived flaws, about your failures in social situations, and about your negative self-image. Of course acknowledge them, know they are there – look yourself in the eye in the mirror every day of your life and say what you don’t like about yourself. Don’t get down about it, hunching your shoulders and shuffling your feet, but rather use it as a catalyst to improve. Let it ignite a burning desire within you that you will not tolerate this substandard existence for one second more, because you KNOW you deserve better from life. But having acknowledged this, and made this vow to yourself, let it drop. Stop thinking about your flaws. The key phrase to remember is “I am fine as I am. And I am also going to improve.” And guess what? Over time, every day you look in the mirror at yourself, before long you will start finding more things that you actually like about yourself than things you don’t.

The world is going to try to keep you down. Everyone is a crab in a bucket, trying desperately to stop anyone else getting ahead of them, pulling them back, in order to preserve their own fragile ego and self-esteem, so that their world view of themselves is not threatened. The least you can do is not make it any easier for them to do so by beating yourself up at the same time.

You take these steps, you work on yourself, and soon you realise that without even thinking you are doing all of these behaviours you were pretending to do for years because of “game”. Every single one comes naturally to you, as easy as breathing. You frame control because you know you are right. You don’t let yourself get treated badly because you know what you are worth. You don’t have approach anxiety because you know that you deserve the girl. You know what you said is the right thing to say because you said it.

And believe me, if you really want a true top-tier girl, one with beauty, class AND intelligence, this is where you’re going to need to get to, because they’re not stupid, and they’ll see straight through the fakery.

You want a life free of self-doubt? Free of having to think what “the right thing to say is”? Then stop wasting your time on countless hours of learning game, doing fucking “yadstops”, being an “amused wanky master”, and just start taking the steps of self-improvement to TURN YOURSELF into the man you want to be, and stop PRETENDING to be him. Become a normal, confident, socially well-adjusted member of society, and stop being that weirdo who looks like he’s trying too hard all the time.

The Urge To Compete

We human beings are social creatures. Constantly attempting to assess our place within the hierarchy, who we are better than, who is better than us. How we determine our placement on the social ladder controls how we give ourselves permission to behave. If we can look around and see we are of significantly higher value than those around us, we will be more confident and dominant. If we feel of lower worth, we will be hesitant and withdrawn.

There are three ways to approach a situation when you feel someone else is doing better than you, or has achieved more than you:

  • feel worthless, hunch your shoulders, and shuffle away
  • delude yourself that you’re actually better than them, and live in ignorance
  • allow it to inspire you to redouble your efforts, and not just match them, but mercilessly smash their level into the dust beneath your feet

90% of the population will take the first or second option. The second option might actually have some merit if it were possible to utterly and totally convince yourself of the truth of your delusion – but then these pesky things like “reality” and “other people thinking you’re a contemptible twat” have this nasty way of intruding on that.

So then, as motivated driven men, the only real option available to us is the third one, if you want to attain any kind of lasting peace of mind. We don’t live in a vacuum, the world around us is very real, and we must face up to its realities and master them if we are to feel good about ourselves.

Now the thing to bear in mind here is your environment, and how it relates to getting your competitive juices flowing. It is quite possible to live your whole life in a tin pot little town, where no-one has achieved much, and rise to the top of the pile with minimal effort, feeling very smug about yourself. This is called “big fish, small pond”. You can take that same fish however, and put him in an ocean by displacing him into a major capital city where there are 1000s of people way better off and more successful than him, and he will feel worthless. It’s all relative.

So is just staying away from large hubs of other successful people a workable solution to being happy? Perhaps, but only if you a) accept full well what you are doing, and don’t kid yourself, or else you’re no better than the delusional twats of above and b) aren’t the kind of person whose ambition demands that they have to pit themselves against the best the world has to offer in order to feel a sense of satisfaction.

I fall firmly into the latter category, which was what was behind my decision to move to London, which ultimately proved to be the biggest catalyst on my self-development I’d ever experienced in my life. Could I do this again? Potentially, yes – moving to somewhere like Monaco, where nearly everyone is a millionaire, would place me firmly back on the bottom of the pile again. Do I want to do this, having already attained a level of personal and financial success greater than 99.9% of the rest of the world? At this stage, I don’t think so. The higher you climb towards the top of the tree, the fewer the branches, the harder it is to progress. Is it worth the monumental effort I’d have to put in to accomplish getting to the top of that pile again? Perhaps, but satisfaction from such things, as everything else, is on diminishing returns.

Your ambition will determine how far you rise in life, and how many times you are willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone and put yourself into an environment where your competitive urges can spur you on to be the best you can be. What that level is differs wildly from person to person. You might be happy in your small town, or your medium-sized city, or you might not be happy until you are a billionaire. We’re all different, shaped by the experiences of our childhood, and how you feel now is not necessarily how you will feel in 5 years time. I was convinced I wanted to go all the way to the very top of the pile, but I’m starting to mellow now I’m getting at least somewhat close to it, and beginning to prefer the notion of just heading off in my own direction and living an extremely comfortable, rich and rewarding life.

Because don’t forget – continually comparing yourself to others, despite leading to increased competitiveness and pushing back your boundaries of achievement, will also lead to permanent unhappiness and lack of peace of mind. There is always someone better, or richer, or stronger, or better looking, with a hotter wife and a bigger house and more Ferraris than you.

Death

So I was racking my brains for some notion of original content. Everything seems to have been written about in the Manosphere at one point or another, and usually what ends up coming out is just some sort of pseudo-amalgamation of a rehash of a mishmash of everyone else’s ideas, with a cherry on top. I cast about my mind, and thought “What beliefs do I hold which are considered unusual, even amongst my peers in this part of the internet?” And then it struck me – death. (Not literally of course – or else I wouldn’t still be typing this.) More so my attitude to the whole thing. Bear with me as I go through this, and congratulations if you don’t think I’m at least a bit mental by the end.

It is accepted by everyone I can think of that death is the single certainty in life. There’s no escaping it, it will come to us all. Many people wilfully delude themselves for their entire lives with this weird thing called “religion”, simply so they don’t have to face up to the scary thought that when they die, their existence will snuff out into the void as if they never were, like the speck of universal insignificance that they really are. Much better, no, to believe in a lovely land of delightful love and joy in the clouds? Pah. I think you can guess my attitude towards such beliefs.

For those of us who grew up atheists, the concept of death and the acceptance of such came early in life. The endless fretting, fearful of when it would happen, terrified that not enough or sufficiently varied life experiences could be crammed into our time on this planet. And then the realisation that it probably doesn’t matter all that much anyway, since once we’re gone we’re not going to remember any of it anyway.

However, those amongst my friends who were devoutly religious and then came to the enlightenment of atheism in their adult years found it especially difficult. Suddenly bereft of their pink fluffy mental safety net, and forced once and for all to stare at the spectre of the grim reaper straight in his hollow eye sockets, they quailed to their core, and spent several long months staring blankly into their pint down the pub every Saturday afternoon, in some sort of deep existential crisis.

Honestly, it’s never really troubled me that much – and I’ll tell you why. I don’t actually believe I’m going to die.

“You’re mad!” I hear you cry. Or maybe not, but probably you’re thinking something along those lines. Perhaps. But there’s a good reason I think how I do. I’ve been obsessed with futurism for as long as I can remember, particularly a few years ago when I followed a number of prominent Transhumanist and Futurist writers, such as Michael Anissimov and Raymond Kurzweil, who seem to have come more into the mainstream public consciousness in recent years.

When you read up on the current state of cutting edge research, into cryonics and nanotechnology, you realise that as a man in his 30s – or of course younger – the advent of permanent life extension technology may well come about during our lifespans. And even if it does not, by the time I hit 70 and have to start thinking about my own mortality, cryonics will be sufficiently advanced to preserve my brain, and along with it my lifetime of experiences and personality, with the ultimate goal of thawing it out when technology is sufficiently advanced to repair whatever was wrong with me, or even grow me a new body.

If the human race survives long enough without blowing itself up, I consider this to be an inevitability. Even if nothing else gets there first, true nano-scale robots, able to interpret your own genome, will eventually be created with the ability to build organic matter a single atom at a time. As far as I am concerned, the only thing which needs to be preserved in its original condition is the brain – and even then it could be converted to an artificial substrate, molecule by molecule, until none of the fragile original remained. Transhumanists believe it will be possible to “upload” your consciousness on to some sort of electronic device at some point in the future – since your thoughts and emotions are essentially just electrical impulses travelling on a biological substrate, this seems reasonable at first look, no? But at what point when the essence of my consciousness is transferred from my grey matter and on to a computer does it cease to be me any more, and just become an identical copy of me? That’s a question for the philosophers perhaps.

Of course, this pursuit of immortality will be the preserve of the rich. Being cryogenically frozen is actually available relatively cheaply at the moment, on the scheme of things. It requires relocating to the vicinity of the facility as you approach your demise, such that upon being declared legally dead you can be whisked off and turned into a popsicle as quickly as possible – the longer your brain remains deprived of oxygen for, the more damage that will occur, and the greater the likelihood of irreversible damage to your memories, cognitive function, and essence of who you are. That said, the definition of brain death has changed significantly within recent times – that is to say the length of time which someone has been successfully revived back to normality from a condition of “death” has greatly extended with increasing technology.

But of course, you’ll want the best possible treatment, which will come at a premium. And then you need to leave a hefty wedge of cash in the bank to accumulate interest in your absence, or to be left with a trust, such that when the time comes in the future the instructions you leave behind to have yourself revived and repaired at great expense can be enacted. And then of course, you’re not going to want to work, are you.

Is this my own mental safety net, to avoid having to face up to the facts? Am I as guilty as the religious people whom I deride so stridently? Perhaps. But I think not – my plans are based on real, demonstrable proof of concepts of nano-technology which already exist, and are very likely to come to fruition within our lifetimes.

I, for one, plan to be ready with my millions of pounds when the opportunity arises, to take myself, and my loved ones should I so wish, into a state of potential immortality. So there’s another reason for you to work your ass off and get loaded – in case you needed one.

Of course, whether you’d actually want to live forever is a different question. To have to watch everyone you ever knew grow old and die around you. But imagine having the experience of 70 or 80 years of life, in the body of yourself in your physical prime at 21 years old? If we, as a race, ever make it off this planet to colonise other worlds, I want to be there when it happens. I do not want to be cheated of the opportunity to experience such wonders as could not be imagined due simply to the accident of the year of my birth.

To not at least consider the possibility is to do yourself a disservice I believe. Here’s some further reading.

Journey’s End

The 1 year anniversary of this blog recently came and went in unspectacular fashion. As I read back over my first few posts, I realise how far I have come in such a short time.

Back then, the sole focus was women, how I could get with more of them, more quickly, and of better quality. I was in the midst of a slew of online dates, “putting in my time in the trenches” as I like to call it. I wasn’t deriving any great pleasure from it, the girls only being of slightly above average quality, but I knew it was necessary in order to gain the experience and the confidence I required to take me to the next level, and ultimately towards feeling good about myself.

As I write this post, it occurs to me that every idea, concept and notion that I read about – behave like this, say this, don’t say this, eye contact like this, etc – has just been completely internalised. I do all of these things as naturally as breathing, and although at some level of my brain the thought process of “don’t do that, do this instead” is still going on, it never surfaces into the conscious level of my awareness.

I’d come 90% of the way towards where I wanted to be a few months ago. Religious adherence to principles of self-improvement, whilst gaining more experience with women, combined with a methodical approach to optimising my health – resulting on embarking on self-administered Testosterone Replacement Therapy – got me most of the way there. And making the decision to commit to a top notch girl took me the last 10% of the way towards mental peace and contentment.

I am not sad to be waving goodbye to the part of my life that compelled me to approach and romantically pursue scores of women, whom ultimately I really wasn’t that bothered about, just because I knew that if I followed my usual lazy tendencies, I’d never become the man that I want to be. I am far happier when I am committed to a single person, the emotional closeness and sharing of experiences that come with it. The liberation of the requirement to chase tail around the streets in a distinctly less-than-alpha fashion is an added bonus.

It could never have just been any girl either. The fact that I was trying to keep her at arm’s length, and yet I still ended up going out with her shows that it happened for the most healthy of reasons. That she read my entire blog, including some slightly, er, colourful posts regarding her personally, and was ok with it all says a lot. She fulfils every requirement of a high value girl – as so recently articulated by LaidNYC with his Golden Seed (not that it matters what anyone other than me thinks anyway, but it’s a useful yardstick) – and understands me and accepts me for who I am.

Does this mean I have given up on everything I know, and am going to “beta down”? Far from it. The lessons I have learned over the last year stand me in the best possible stead for preserving a strong, healthy relationship. The extremely high standards I have for myself and the habits I have adopted ensure I will never let myself go, and indeed, they encourage my girlfriend to match them. And I fully intend to keep reading the select few manosphere blogs who I still feel offer genuine value, and a positive healthy outlook on life. Roosh and Krauser need not apply.

So is this the end of life’s journey? Do I consider myself a complete person? No, of course not. This is merely the end of this chapter, the part where I devoted all my time and energies into reaching the objective of self-fulfillment and actualisation. There are many more journeys ahead, but finally freed of the shackled of angst and self-doubt, I’ll be free to pursue them without any distractions, bring the full force of my mind to bear on them uninhibited. It’s nice to finally feel like I’ve become the person I was always meant to be.

In terms of my blog, I’m struggling to find much motivation to write about things at the moment. I’m too busy devoting my mental energies to learning the stock market to make my plan of retirement a reality, and simply enjoying my life.

Good luck to all those of you still firmly on this part of your journey, striving to find inner peace, happiness, and acceptance of who you are at a deep level. Honestly, it’s well worth it when you get there.